


we're all a little bit fucked up

by midnitetruce



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Anxiety, Connor Murphy Has a Crush on Evan Hansen, Connor and Zoe are close friends I don't make the rules, Connor may come across as a functioning person but trust me he has some ISSUES, Cynthia Murphy Is a Good Mother, Deal With It, Depression, Doesn't always come out right though, Evan Hansen Has a Crush on Connor Murphy, Evan and Jared work at a coffee shop but it's not like the main plot of the story, Evan has a multitude of issues as always, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Gay Alana Beck, Gay Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Gay Jared Kleinman, Gay Zoe Murphy, Heidi Hansen is a fucking awesome mum but she also has issues, Hence the title, I think we can all agree that every character in this is fucked up in some way, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Larry Murphy Tries (Dear Evan Hansen), M/M, They're not really all gay, and that's okay we love them anyway, anger issues, but who cares, gay evan hansen, he really does, kinda???, not me, they're gay and stupid it's canon fight me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:33:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24753232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnitetruce/pseuds/midnitetruce
Summary: When the door to The Busy Bean flung open and Connor Murphy stepped inside, Evan Hansen was sure he was dreaming.There was no other explanation. There was absolutely no reason that Connor would be back in Rochester unless he was a figment of Evan’s imagination.Connor Murphy wasn’t the kind of kid you forgot. Even before he was internationally famous.
Relationships: Alana Beck & Evan Hansen, Alana Beck & Zoe Murphy, Alana Beck/Zoe Murphy, Connor Murphy & Zoe Murphy, Evan Hansen & Connor Murphy, Evan Hansen & Heidi Hansen, Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman, Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Comments: 16
Kudos: 85





	1. Connor Murphy: International Superstar

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome welcome welcome to my new project! I've been meaning to write for a while but I have the attention span of a carrot and can barely do one thing for more than 2 minutes at a time so it's taken a while to get here!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy,,, whatever the fuck this is

When the door to The Busy Bean flung open and Connor Murphy stepped inside, Evan Hansen was sure he was dreaming.

There was no other explanation. There was absolutely no reason that Connor would be back in Rochester unless he was a figment of Evan’s imagination. 

Connor Murphy wasn’t the kind of kid you forgot. Even before he was internationally famous.

Sometimes, Evan had seen a bit of himself in Connor. Starting with the fact that neither of them had really ever had any friends (Evan still didn’t count Jared, much to his chagrin).

In fact, Evan was pretty sure that Connor hadn’t had a single friend in elementary or middle school after he threw that printer at their tech teacher. Any friends he’d had were no longer allowed to hang out with him, because the parents were scared he would turn their perfect little children into psychopaths or something.

Evan had never really been scared of Connor like the other kids.

He had been there when Connor threw the printer. He knew he only did it because Shane Kennedy kept calling him names. Mrs G had been the only teacher that was kind to Connor, and it was very unfortunate that she came over the very moment that Shane told Connor his parents hated him, and Connor had lost it.

That was 14 years ago though, and Connor had left Rochester at the end of 7th grade. No one knew where he had gone or why, so of course everyone made up all sorts of rumors, like that he had been sent to Juvie, or even that he had killed himself.

So imagine everyone’s surprise when just one year later, Connor appeared in movie theatres around the world in a high-budget thriller movie with Brad Pitt, earning him high praise from critics. The next few years were full of movies starring Connor, and as he grew older he gained a reputation as one of the most popular rising actors of his time.

Everyone at Evan’s school had been obsessed with him.

This confused him. They had all picked on him and called him names but as soon as he was famous he was an angel sprung from Heaven?

“You work here right?”

Evan was sprung from his thoughts very suddenly, and he darted his eyes up to look at Connor Murphy, who, while Evan had been day-dreaming, had been waiting in line to order.

“Oh, sorry. Y-yes I do. Sorry. I was, uh, d-distracted, sorry.” Evan fumbled through the sentence as best as he could, chiding himself for coming across as some sort of idiot.

“No problem man. Can I get a large americano to go?” Evan hastily typed in the order on the kiosk, before billing Connor and turning to start making his drink. His hands shook heavily as he tried to prepare the coffee. It wasn’t even hard, but Evan could barely think straight.

What if Connor didn’t remember him? Or even worse, what if Connor did remember him? That would definitely be worse because then he would remember how utterly annoying and frustrating he had been as a kid, before he had learned that being quiet made the bullies leave him alone.

“Uh, you got a… l-long day ahead of you?” Evan almost smacked himself right there and then. Was he actually trying to make small talk with Connor Murphy?

Connor fixed him with a confused gaze, tilting his head slightly. Evan immediately panicked.

“I just m-mean, uh, well it’s not often that someone o-orders an americano this large because, well, you know it's a lot of coffee… but you definitely already knew that, b-because you ordered it.. And of course you would k-k-know what you ordered because you’re n-not stupid…. That w-was really rude, uh, I- I don’t know why I said that. Sorry. I tend to just, like, uh… say things sometimes, and then I-”

“Evan.”

Connor’s voice cut through Evan’s rambling, and they made eye contact across the counter. Evan noticed that Connor didn’t appear upset. In fact, he had a small smile on his face.

“You don’t need to apologise,” He stated calmly. “And yes, I do have a long day ahead of me, visiting family and such.” Of course, Connor may have moved to the other side of the country, but the Murphy family (including Connor’s little sister Zoe) had stayed behind. Him coming back to visit was not something that would be considered strange. Although as far as Evan knew, this was the first time he had visited since he left 8 years ago.

“Wait, I-I… Sorry, but… you know my name?” 

Connor smirked, and pointed towards Evan’s t-shirt, where the large green name label with _Evan_ scrawled lazily over it sat.

Oh. Of course. Because it would be stupid and way too far-fetched to think that Connor might actually recognise him.

“Right. Uh, sorry.” Evan could feel his face going red, and his hands started to sweat profusely. He quickly handed Connor his coffee and tried to wipe some of the sweat off onto his apron.

Connor walked backwards towards the door, and raised his coffee in thanks.

“See you around, Evan.”

“B-Bye, Connor.” Evan realised his mistake as soon as he said it. He wasn’t supposed to know who Connor was, now he definitely thought he was some weird stalker fan who was obsessed with him, and he was never going to come back again.

Evan sighed as the door clunked shut, signalling that Connor had left. He had shown no sign of hearing what Evan had said, thankfully.

He tried to calm his fears by rationalising that he hadn’t said anything creepy; knowing someone’s name is not a crime. If Connor didn’t recognise him then Evan could just pretend he knew the movies he had starred in. It was fine, everything was fine. No need to panic.

Evan took a few deep, controlled breaths, and was about to start drying the dirty glasses to take his mind off of what had happened when the front door swung open noisily, and Connor Murphy sprinted inside.

“I need to hide.”

“W-what?” Evan stuttered, his brain trying to figure out what on earth was going on.

“God damnit Hansen, I don’t have time for fucking questions, do you have somewhere I can hide or not?!” Connor yelled, clenching his fists and sending worried glances towards the door.

“Uh… I- the kitchen.” Evan pointed behind himself, and within seconds Connor had cleared the counter, not bothering to go around it but instead jumping over, and sprinted inside the kitchen out of sight.

Barely a few moments later, when Evan was still staring at the kitchen in bewilderment, the front door clanged open and a myriad of voices entered the cafe. Evan turned around and _ah, that makes sense_ , he thought to himself.

“Are you sure he came in here?”

“Yes! 100%!” 

“Well I don’t see him, you must’ve got it wrong.”

Evan watched the four girls scan the building before noticing him standing behind the counter. They exchanged glances and a few whispers before one of them walked closer to where he was.

“Can I help you?” He deadpanned, trying to focus on cleaning his glass instead of the knowledge that Connor had been chased and had decided to come to _Evan_ for help.

“Did Connor Murphy come in here?” She asked hopefully, fixing him with a beaming smile. Evan furrowed his brow in pretend confusion.

“Sorry who?” The girl's smile wavered slightly but she pressed on.

“You know, Connor Murphy? Tall, skinny, long dark hair? International super star?” Evan pretended to think before a moment before shaking his head.

“Sorry, n-no idea who that is.” Evan cursed his anxiety as he stuttered slightly. The girl frowned, seemingly thinking before she learned further towards Evan, pushing her breasts against the bench so they looked bigger and smirking at him. At least, that's what Evan assumed she was trying to do, but she just looked… _weird_. 

“You’re sure?” Evan raised an eyebrow at her before turning around and focusing on drying the glass, trying to keep his hands from shaking.

“Positive.”

The girl let out a huff, and there was more whispering, before the sound of footsteps could be heard as the girls made their way out of the shop.

After the door closed, Evan turned back around and waited a good 15 seconds as he watched the group cross the road, getting further out of sight, before he let out a sigh of relief. He stared at his shaking hands and clenched them, trying to calm his nerves.

“You were very convincing.”

Evan screamed as a voice came from behind him. He jumped and spun around, dropping the glass he held in the process. It shattered as it hit the ground, and both himself and Connor jumped away from the shards.

“Shit. I’m so-” Connor stopped mid sentence, staring at Evan with a shocked look on his face.

Somehow, in the chaos of Evan screaming and dropping the glass, he had jumped up onto the counter, and was crouched there, looking extremely cat-like.

The pair locked eyes, and for a solid ten seconds, they stared at each other.

Connor started chuckling.

Before Evan could comprehend what was going on, Connor was full on belly laughing, clutching at his chest and bending over, his face scrunched up in pure amusement.

Yet again, Evan was extremely confused. He was still recovering from the scare Connor had given him, and the stress of outright lying to someone was getting to him. He started to fiddle with his apron straps, feeling tears well up in his eyes. He fought to keep them at bay. Connor obviously found it hilarious that he was clearly scared and stressed.

Connor wiped at his eyes a few times as his laughing subsided, but as soon as he looked at Evan again his smile fell instantly, replaced by a look of concern.

“Woah woah woah, you okay?” Connor took a step towards Evan, his hand stretched out to touch Evans arm, but he jerked away.

Evan jumped off the other side of the bench and walked away from Connor, hugging himself to try and calm his shaking breath. The sensible part of his brain tried to tell him that Connor wasn’t making fun of him, but that was drowned out by the raging anxiety monster that controlled his every waking thought. Connor was laughing at him. Connor thought he was crazy and stupid for dropping the glass. Connor hated him and thought he was a crazy fan. _Connor this Connor that Connor Connor Connor Connor-_

“Evan!” He could feel someone holding his arms, and could hear someone talking to him, but he couldn’t think, couldn’t feel, couldn’t _breathe_.

He knew he was being led somewhere, could feel his feet dragging across the ground and heard the door to the break room slamming shut behind him.

Connor’s face hovered in his vision, blurred from the barrage of tears clogging his eyes. His mouth opened and closed, but Evan couldn’t hear what he was saying over the pounding of his heart in his chest. He saw Connor miming deep breaths, and tried to follow along. His breath was extremely shaky, and he looked down at his hands to see them violently trembling. Connor placed his hands over the top of Evan’s, and for several minutes the pair breathed together, until Evan could feel his heart slow, and his vision cleared slightly.

Connor was watching him with an apprehensive gaze, but it morphed into a smile when Evan looked back at him.

There was a large window behind Connor, and the sun was at the perfect spot that it shone right through the glass, hitting Connor from behind and illuminating his hair, almost like he was an angel from above to save him. Was he dead?

When Connor’s smile grew bigger, Evan realised with growing horror that he must have said the last part out loud, and he flushed with deep embarrassment. Then he realised that he had just had a full on panic attack in front of Connor Fucking Murphy after smashing a glass because Connor had scared him accidentally.

Oh God, he had made a complete and utter fool of himself.

“I am…. So so _so_ sorry that you had to d-deal with t-t-that. I… I don’t even k-know what came over me… I totally u-understand if y-you-you want to leave, I c-certainly would-”

“Evan, jesus christ.” Evan shut up immediately, looking up at Connor with confused, puppy eyes. Connor’s glare relaxed, and he takes a deep breath.

“You _need_ to stop apologising for things you can’t control. I am very sorry that I scared you like that. I feel like fucking shit actually because I caused you to have a massive panic attack- and don’t try and tell me it’s okay because it’s really not. You were so fucking out of it I was worried I was going to have to call a fucking ambulance and- I..” Connor stopped for a moment, and Evan opened his mouth to try and apologise again but Connor shushed him.

“No, be quiet, I’m talking. Sorry, that was rude. Anyway. Please do not try and say this was your fault because it absolutely was not. I’m the one who attracted the attention of those girls and then scared the living daylights out of you because I’m too quiet, and I am eternally sorry.” Evan opened and closed his mouth, trying to think of something to say.

“I… you… you really don’t have to apolog-”

“Evan, please let me have this.” Connor pleaded, fixing Evan with an extremely adorable look that had him questioning his entire existence.

“I… okay.” Evan folded, and Connor looked very pleased with himself. Evan’s brain took this moment to remind him that Connor _still_ had his hands over Evan’s. He instantly pulled them back, and Connor seemed confused at first before flushing a deep red.

“Oh my God wait, the cafe, what if customers came in while I was freaking out and there was no one there and then they’ll complain because I was slacking off my job. Oh _god_ and then I’m gonna get fired and won’t be able to pay my rent and I’ll have to drop out of college and-”

“I put the ‘be right back’ sign up, you’re okay.” Connor butted in before Evan could go any further.

“Oh. I… Thank you.” And he meant it. Connor shrugged flippantly.

“You saved my life, I saved yours. We’re even.” 

“But technically y-you saved my life twice so-”

“That’s a matter of perspective.” Evan frowned, and opened his mouth to disagree, but Connor started talking again.

“I seriously want to thank you for what you did back there. I normally would have just signed some shit or taken a photo but I really wasn’t in the mood, and they were looking like they were gonna pounce on me any second so I just ran. My publicist would smack me over the head but fuck her.”

Evan wondered how Connor could be so confident and abrasive when speaking about someone close to him.

“Y-you don’t l-like your publicist?” He stuttered.

“Oh no, she’s an angel. And the only reason I have yet to have a scandal. Doesn’t mean I have to agree with everything she says.” Evan let out a noise that was meant to be a giggle, but since he tried to hold it back because he didn’t want Connor to think he was weird, it came out as a high-pitched squeak.

Connor laughed, but before Evan could dissolve back into a self-hating blob, he placed a hand on Evan’s shoulder.

“You’re cute.”

Evan’s mouth dried up instantly. What did that mean?

Was Connor just complimenting him? Or was he trying to _flirt_ ? If he was flirting Evan decided he would just melt into the floor because how on _earth_ is he meant to deal with something like that? Evan has never flirted successfully in his life. One time he tried to tell Julie Marshall that she looked pretty and he had thrown up all over her pink homecoming dress. And flirting with a _boy_ was an entirely different idea altogether; especially since the boy in question was Connor Fucking Murphy, the inspiration behind every teenage girl’s wet dreams.

“Ah fuck. As much as I would love to stay, my sister will kick my ass if I’m late.” Connor grimaced, and Evan nodded in understanding.

“I’ll see you around, Evan.” Evan nodded again but kept his mouth firmly shut as Connor finally exited the cafe, not trusting himself to say something utterly stupid.

The past 15 minutes had been the strangest and most embarrassing of Evan’s entire life, and that meant a lot coming from someone who was almost constantly embarrassed. He removed the sign from the front of the cafe, and went back to cleaning up the mess he had made, although he could barely focus.

He almost dropped another glass when he remembered that, in his rush to find somewhere to hide, Connor had called him by his last name. 

_Oh god_.

This was not good. Evan had been a very very annoying kid. Connor probably hated him because of how annoying pre-anxiety disorder Evan had been.

Evan was distracted from his anxiety when the door slammed open yet again, and Evan half expected Connor Murphy to walk in _again_ , but no, it was just Jared.

“Sup Evan, anything exciting happen while I wasn’t here?” Jared flung his bag over the counter before grabbing his name tag and slipping it into place. Evan knew he was just making conversation, but he suddenly got nervous that Jared somehow knew about the embarrassing incident that had just occurred.

“Uh nope, no. N-nothing happened. Just the n-normal customers, you k-know.” Why did he have to be such a bad liar?

“I don’t buy it. Cmon spill, what did I miss.” Jared rested his elbow on the counter and raised an eyebrow expectantly. Evan fidgeted.

“Uh… just…. These girls c-came in l-l-looking for C-Connor Murphy because for some reason they, uh, they t-thought he was in here which he d-d-definitely wasn’t, and I um- I guess it just f-freaked me out a bit because one of t-the girls tried to f-flirt with me, as if that would magic Connor Murphy into thin air, and you know how I g-get when people f-flirt with me.” Evan took a deep breath after his ramble. It was a half truth, so maybe Jared would buy it.

“Damn, so the rumours are true, Connor Murphy’s back in town?” Evan shrugged.

“I guess so, m-maybe they saw him and thought h-he came in here for some reason.” He began to fiddle with his apron, praying that Jared would drop it.

“Yeah I guess.” Jared shrugged, turning to help Evan with the cleaning.

“Bet you’re upset you didn’t get to see him.” Evan froze.

“W-w-what do you mean?” Jared fixed Evan with a sly grin.

“I know you have a major crush on him, it’s pretty obvious.” Evan turned bright red and felt his face go hot. Jared had caught Evan looking at pictures of Connor one time in senior year, and had assumed that he had a major crush on him. Evan had desperately tried to explain that _it wasn’t like that at all_ and that he just found him… interesting, but Jared hadn’t listened.

“J-J-Jared I don’t have a crush on h-him.” Jared laughed at Evan’s obvious discomfort.

“Whatever you say, Acorn.” Evan grimaced. He hated the nickname Jared used for him. Just another reminder of the awful day when he had fallen from the tree and broken his arm. _Fallen, hah, still lying to yourself are you?_ The voice in Evans' head poked at him crudely. Evan ignored it.

The worst part of the entire ordeal wasn’t the 20 minute walk to find anyone after he had broken his arm, nor was it the constant barrage of jerking off jokes from Jared. No, it was for the fact that for the 6 whole weeks that Evan had worn the cast, he hadn’t gotten a single signature. The look on his mom's face every time she saw him and realized he still hadn’t made a friend had been like a punch to the gut.

He was better now, _was he?_ Well he didn’t get the desire to ~~jump~~ fall off of 40ft tall trees anymore, so Evan counted that as a positive.

And he had friends… sort of. Him and Jared were closer now, after Jared had finally admitted that he didn’t just hang around Evan so that his parents would pay for his car insurance. He also had….. Acquaintances in his classes at college. People he sat with, and sometimes asked for help, but would never hang out with outside of school. But at least he wasn’t a _complete_ loner anymore.

Well, he did live alone. Some people might say that definitely makes you a loner, but Evan preferred being able to go home and relax alone after a long embarrassing day, as his days normally were.

His apartment was the dictionary definition of a shit hole. It was constantly damp and cold in winter, and damp and unbearingly hot in summer. There was mold in almost every corner and it always had a weird smell. Evan had tried talking to his landlord about the problem once, but the lady had been rude and Evan had been too anxious to try again. And besides, she was giving him a discounted rate, so why should he complain?

Someone looking in from the outside might think that Evan had an extremely sad, lonely, depressing life, but that just _wasn’t true_.

At least, that’s what Evan told himself.

Connor would probably think that Evan was a loner.

Evan wondered if Connor was a loner.

The thought almost made him laugh out loud. Connor was literally the opposite of a loner. Connor was famous and had done movies with Brad Pitt and Tom Hanks and many many many other incredible movie stars. Connor had been nominated for an Oscar at just _eighteen_ and was regarded as one of the most popular and most talented young actors of this day and age. Connor had an incredibly active instagram and always posted about his famous actor friends and the good times he was having and the new projects he was involved in.

Connor was infinitely _perfect_ in literally every way.

This was weird. He was being weird. He needs to not be weird so that Connor doesn’t think he’s weird because Connor thinking he was weird would be just _awful_.

“Yo Evan?! You there bud?” Evan was pulled back to his surroundings by Jared, who was standing in front of him looking very confused.

“I, what- I mean, huh?” Evan stammered, pulling at his apron strings.

“Dude, I’ve been trying to get your attention for like, 5 minutes now. There’s customers, I need you to get your head in the game.” Jared was stern, but he had an unrecognisable look in his eye. “What’s up with you today, fantasizing about Connor Murphy?” Evan instantly gasped and tried to formulate a response, but the only thing that came out of his mouth were these really weird sounds, because he couldn’t seem to think of the right thing to say.

“Damn alright, I was joking but I can see that hit home.” Jared teased again. Evan wished the floor would swallow him and chew him into little pieces so there was no way he could be remade.

“Just go man the coffee machine okay? I’ll take orders.” While Jared liked to tease, he always knew when to stop, and what made Evan uncomfortable. Evan was grateful for him.

He would never have as many friends as Connor Murphy, but at least he had Jared. That was enough.

* * *

Evan had to take every ounce of his concentration to not stare when Connor Murphy walked into The Busy Bean again the next morning. Why on _earth_ was he back? There was no reasonable explanation other than that he was there to tease him. Why else would he want to go back to the place where he had been confronted by eternal fuck up Evan Hansen?

Luckily, he wasn’t the only barista working today. Evan’s coworker Abigail always shared a shift with him on Saturdays as it was often quite busy. She was currently taking orders at the till and he was making them off to the side. If he pressed himself further against the coffee machine maybe Connor wouldn’t see him.

His plan did not work at all. As soon as Connor approached the counter his eyes fell on Evan and he smiled.

“Hey Evan.” He said calmly, raising a hand in recognition.

“H-h-hi Connor.” Evan’s voice cracked as he said Connor’s name, and it almost instantly became one of the most embarrassing moments in his entire life. Connor didn’t seem to notice how utterly red Evan was and instead turned to Abigail, who was eyeing Evan confusedly.

“Can I get a large americano to go, please?” Abigail forgot about Evan instantly, turning to Connor with a beaming smile.

“You certainly can! $4.20 please.” Evan instantly got to work on making Connor’s coffee. The faster he made it the faster Connor could leave, that’s probably what he wanted anyway.

Out of the corner of his eye he could see that Connor was still standing there, despite having already paid for his coffee. There wasn’t a line behind him, but there were still customers dotted around the room, and some of them were starting to notice who had walked in. Why hadn’t he moved yet? Evan didn’t want to look up incase Connor saw him staring. If he didn’t already think he was a creep then he would after that.

Suddenly, Connor did move, but not in the direction Evan was expecting. Now he was standing directly in front of Evan, watching him make his coffee. _Oh God_ Evan was going to puke. He was definitely going to puke, right in Connor’s coffee as well, and there was nothing he could do to stop it, absolutely nothing-

“Feeling better after yesterday?” Connor’s silky voice cut through his intrusive thoughts, and Evan finally looked up to get a good look at him and….

Oh god.

He was _ethereal_.

Today, Connor’s hair was up in a loose bun, but several strands were too short, and had fallen in front of his face. A slender hand moved to push the hair behind his ear, but most of the pieces fell back instantly. Now that his hair was pushed back, Evan could see how devastatingly _young_ Connor looked, and he was reminded that Connor was only 20, he couldn’t even legally drink yet (not that Evan was any older). His cheekbones were sharp- how was he so slim? Evan had always struggled with his weight, and it was only recently that he had started to get it under control, but his face was always rounder than average, and his stomach had flab which he could grab and squeeze and poke at when he sat down.

Connor wore a loose, light grey button up which was tucked into a pair of tight jeans. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and the top buttons were undone, showing the tuft of chest hair that poked out. His eyes were wide and bright, and suddenly Evan noticed that one of his eyes was slightly blue. How had he never noticed that? While Connor was extremely slim, his arms were strong and muscly. That made sense, since he had been involved in a lot of action movies which required him to be very fit. His arms… _God_ his arms. Evan couldn’t stop staring at Connor’s arms. They were resting on top of the coffee machine and they were pale and soft and big and _gorgeous_ and _oh god_ Evan’s staring. He’s staring at Connor and Connor had been talking to him so Evan was supposed to respond. What had he said? He asked how Evan was doing, if he was feeling better, right, okay.

“I uh, I mean- yup. I’m g-good, thank you.” Evan’s hands shook even more as he finished off Connor’s coffee. Was it polite to ask Connor a question back? What had he said yesterday… right, he was here to visit family. Evan should definitely be polite and make conversation.

“Uh- you… your, your f-family-uh… how was yo-your family?” Evan found his arms moving uncontrollably, and when he tried to move them back they flopped disgracefully at his side, fiddling with his sleeves immediately. Connor looked shocked for a split second before his eyes crunched up and his mouth slipped to the side in an almost _shy_ smile except that was impossible because Connor being shy was like Evan being confident, completely impossible.

“They’re doing okay I guess. My mom’s really stressed because my sister’s getting married in less than a month. You know how family is.” Evan started in surprise.

“Zoe and Alana are getting married?” Connor eyed Evan.

“You know Zoe?”

“W-well, no. I uh, um I… Alana and I h-had a class t-t-together, uh, clim-on climate c-change last year. And well, highschool- I mean.. They w-went to the same highschool as me.” Evan could barely breathe. Connor hated him. Connor thought he was a fucking creep because he knew his sister.

“Oh okay, that’s cool. Are you guys still friends?”

“I-I don’t…. I don’t know..” Evan trailed off quietly. He hadn’t talked to Alana in about 6 weeks but their last conversation had been normal. Evan wasn’t very good at knowing when to consider someone a friend. And she had neglected to tell him that her and Zoe were now engaged, even though Evan had been a listening ear for Alana to rant about her obsession with Zoe for almost the entire year they’d had a class together.

“You… you don’t know?” Connor’s tone was teasing but Evan was extremely nervous. If he told Connor the truth then he might think that Evan was friendless which wasn’t _technically_ true but he could easily see how someone would think that.

“Y-yeah, I… I don’t know.” Connor seemed to take the hint, and nodded slowly.

“Well, I better get going, don’t wanna piss Zoe off more than I already have.” Evan nodded sharply, wiping his hands on his apron. Why wasn’t Connor walking away yet?

“My coffee?” Connor prompted, a large grin on his face. “I mean you can keep it if you really want, but I did pay for it.”

“Oh my god of course, sorry, sorry I- I completely f-forgot. I would n-never… I wasn’t t-t-trying to stea- to take, it.. Or anything.” Evan went to hand the coffee to Connor before sharply pulling it back when he realised he had just sweated all over it. He could practically see the sweat dripping off the bottom of the cup.

“Oh, so-sorry… sorry I just- g-give me a second.” Connor watched with a raised eyebrow as Evan grabbed a few paper towels and desperately wiped the coffee cup, trying to mop up the sweat.

“I spi… there was like,,, coffee. There was s-some coffee on the side..” Evan tried to explain, feeling his face heat up even more. He quickly handed the coffee over to Connor.

It happened so fast that Evan barely even knew what was happening until it was already over. Their fingers brushed together slightly as the cup was passed between them, and Evan jumped back in shock. His heart thumped in his chest and his finger tingled like he had just received an electric shock. Looking up at Connor, he seemed unfazed, still smiling kindly down at Evan.

Of course Connor didn’t feel that. Connor wasn’t the one with a small yet largely creepy crush on the famous guy who he went to middle school with.

“Bye Evan, see you tomorrow?” Connor wanted to see him tomorrow? That couldn’t be right.

“I don’t… there’s not… I’m not working… I don’t have a sh-shift tomorrow.” Evan stuttered heavily, trying to think of another explanation because he could _not_ wrap his head around the possibility that Connor maybe wanted to see him.

“Monday?”

“M-my next shift… uh it’s.. Tuesday I think. Tuesday e-evening.” Connor didn’t care, why did he say that. He should have just pretended that he doesn’t know.

“Great! I’ll see you then.” Connors smile was so bright Evan wondered for a moment if maybe Connor had been a sun in his previous life.

“Y-yeah…” Evan squeaked, punching his thigh under the bench for being so _stupid_.

As soon as Connor was out the door Abigail turned to him with her mouth open in shock.

“You know _Connor Murphy_ ?? What the _hell_ Evan tell me everything.”

“I don’t- there's not… there’s not really anything to tell…” Abigail fixed him with a disbelieving glare and Evan squirmed.

“It’s… uh, he came into the c-cafe yesterday and we just… t-talked a bit I guess. A-a-and like I said I uh.. I had a- I went to h-highschool with his s-s-sister….. And I sort of,, I don’t know.. I k-kind of knew- he went to my m-middle school.” Evan finished off quietly, hoping that Abigail hadn’t heard. She had.

“You went to Rochester East Middle School? Evan oh my _god_ why did you never tell me this? You doltz.” Evan wrung his shaking hands and laughed quietly, but it came out more like a strangled gasp.

“I-I-It’s not a big deal.” He breathed heavily. Another customer approached the till and took Abigail’s attention. Evan spared a glance at the clock. 11am. Could he spare a lunch break now? He’d been working for five hours already, surely Abigail would let him take his break, even though she normally took one first.

“Abigail, c-could I… can I take my 45?” He fiddled with his apron, praying that Abigail wouldn’t continue to pressure her about Connor.

“Mmm okay.” Evan breathed a sigh of relief and quickly removed his apron. But before he could make his escape, Abigail called after him. “Don’t think I’m gonna forget about this Evan!” He groaned and quickly made his exit from the cafe, shivering when he stepped outside. The cafe was located slightly out of the center of the city along the Genesee River, and was within walking distance of both the University and his apartment; one of the reasons he worked there. There were a few cafes and clothes shops near where he worked, but one of them was Evan’s favorite to go to for lunch.

El Chico was a small Mexican food truck just down the road from The Busy Bean, and they made the best spicy tofu soft tacos that Evan had ever tasted. He was there most days when he had an all day or a lunch shift. He knew it was more money efficient to make his own lunch but Evan was not a good home cook. His cooking skills started and ended with 5 minute microwave meals.

Approaching the food truck, Evan noticed someone standing in front of it, seemingly speaking in rapid Spanish to the owner of the food truck, Diego. As he got closer he stopped, fear striking through his heart.

Connor knew _Spanish?????_

Evan thought he might faint. He took a step back and turned to quickly walk away.

“Evan! Mi hijo come here!” Diego’s booming voice called out to him over the street, and Evan cringed. Damnit damnit _damnit_.

Evan turned around and lowered his eyes to the ground, refusing to look either of them in the eyes. He shuffled over to the small food truck, his hands folded and wrapping around his stomach, as if he was trying to protect himself. He mainly just didn’t want Connor to see the shirt he was wearing which said “Tree’s are people too!” over a smiling cartoon tree. He was behind on washing and the only one that had been clean was this one. Evan had assumed no one would see his shirt underneath since he was very good at being invisible.

“Evan, so good to see you! Come for your lunch yes?” Evan nodded timidly, still looking at his shoes feeling a lot like jello.

“I was just talking to this lovely young man, it is so refreshing to hear someone speak my language!” Connor’s vibrant laugh filled the air, and floated through Evan’s ears, relaxing him slightly. It was okay. Connor doesn’t hate him. Calm down.

He forced himself to look up from his shoes. Diego was leaning out from his truck and resting his arms on the bench, while Connor was watching him and still recovering from his laughing fit. Evan found himself smiling slightly, and relaxing his grip on his stomach.

“Diego, we know each other.” Connor explained, probably assuming that Evan was too bad with words to properly explain. “We went to elementary and middle school together, although we weren’t really friends. But I ran into him at The Busy Bean the other day and he makes the best coffee so I’ve been going there every morning since.” Evan went back to staring at his shoes and blushing from the compliment. Connor liked his coffee? Evan felt strangely warm inside.

“Ah that is brilliant!” Diego practically yelled, causing both the boys to wince slightly. “Now Evan, you would like the tofu soft taco yes?” Evan nodded in confirmation, and Diego turned to start preparing his meal.

Connor turned to Evan with a smirk.

“We just keep running into each other don’t we.” Evan smiled back, doing his best to calm his nerves.

“I d-don’t see you for 8 years a-and then suddenly I s-s-see you three times in two days.” Evan was sure his feeble attempt at a joke would fall very flat, but Connor grinned in delight.

“Did you just make a _joke_ , Hansen? I didn’t think you had it in you.” 

“Just because I s-s-stutter doesn’t mean I d-don’t know how to deliver a l-l-line.” Connor burst out laughing and grasped at his chest like he was trying to hold it in. Evan had never said this much to someone he had only really known for 2 days ever. It was extremely freeing, not having to think about his crippling anxieties for more than 2 minutes.

“Evan, I like you.” Connor clapped Evan on the shoulder causing him to jump in surprise. 

“I, uh… I mean- I like you.. Too.” Evan cursed himself for stuttering so hard over a simple phrase.

“Here you go, mi hijo!” Diego called out from the truck, and Evan quickly walked over to grab the food from his hands.

“G-gracias, Diego.” Diego waved him off, and Evan turned to Connor, who had his back to him and seemed to be holding something in his hands.

“Connor?” Evan questioned quietly, and Connor turned around quickly and gave him what appeared to be a nervous smile, which couldn’t _possibly_ be true, before thrusting something into Evan’s hands.

“See you around, Hansen.” He saluted Evan and then briskly walked away, leaving Evan very confused. Connor had given him a napkin. Evan already had a napkin, Diego had given it to him. Evan was about to throw the other napkin away when he saw something written on the inside. He unfolded it, revealing…

No.

No way.

There was absolutely _no way_ that Connor Murphy, international superstar, sex icon, had given Evan Hansen, stammering fuck-up extraordinaire, his fucking _phone number_.

_‘(585)-776-8372 - don’t be afraid to text :)’_

Connor had written a smiley face. A _smiley face_.

Evan very gently folded the napkin and placed it inside his phone case, so he wouldn’t forget to enter the number in his phone after his shift. His heart was racing and his hands were sweaty, but not because he was anxious.

Connor Murphy had given Evan Hansen his phone number. He had Connor Murphy’s phone number in his hand. Connor liked Evan enough that he wanted to be able to contact him whenever he wanted. Evan was over the fucking _moon_.

“The boy gave you his number, yes?” Diego’s thick accent cut through Evan’s thoughts.

“I- uh, yes.” Evan answered. Diego nodded in satisfaction.

“Good.” He turned away, but not before muttering something in Spanish that Evan of course did not understand at all.

Confused, he turned and began the short walk back to work. He could barely think straight. How was he supposed to finish his shift now knowing that he could text Connor when he was done? He was positively over the moon. Maybe Connor actually wanted to be his friend? Maybe he would have an actual proper real life friend for once in his dismal, depressing life.

The thought made Evan almost skip back into The Busy Bean, and he barely bat an eyelid when Abigail tried to question him again about knowing Connor.

Nothing could ruin this absolutely perfect day.


	2. Evan Hansen: Stuttering Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the boys hang out and are very gay. connor uses :) in every fucking text.

As it turned out, there were a lot of things that could easily ruin Evan’s ‘perfect day’.

Almost as soon as Abigail went on her break at 2pm, Evan was bombarded with rude and annoying customers. It was like they knew he had an anxiety disorder and were waiting for the perfect opportunity to stress him out.

That obviously wasn’t the case, but after the third Karen complained about their lack of soy milk (even though they had plenty of other dairy free options AND they had never been out of soy milk before) he was starting to wonder if it was all some big conspiracy to get him to break down. There would be cameras in every corner just  _ waiting _ for him to break. Then it would get broadcasted on live television and everyone would laugh including  _ Connor _ . 

If this day turned out to be shit at least he had Connor’s number.

He had  _ Connor Murphy’s phone number _ . 

His phone with the number tucked inside burned in his back pocket. Like an unscratchable itch. It took most of his effort to stop himself from burrowing away in the break room to punch the number into his contacts. It could wait. He could wait. His shift ended in just over an hour. He could do this.

And then Jared walked in. Interesting. He didn’t have a shift today.

“Evannnn, how are you doing man?” Jared clapped his shoulder and leaned against the till. Evan shrugged.

“Okay I guess. Few angry customers… how- what are you.. Have you had a good day?” 

“I only woke up an hour ago so… yeah.” Evan rolled his eyes at Jared’s nonchalance. He knew for a fact that Jared had a test in two days that was 30% of his grade. Jared didn’t seem to care. If it was Evan, he would have had three panic attacks and studied the entire content twice a week before the exam was even scheduled.

“But, I’m not here to talk about me, surprisingly. I’m here to talk about you, or rather, to you.” Evan raised an eyebrow at Jared’s shiteating grin. This couldn’t be good. Just as he was contemplating walking out, Abigail walked through the door… she didn’t look surprised to see Jared at all, another thing that made Evan’s stomach drop.

“Hey Jared, see you got my text.” Jared nodded in confirmation, and now  _ both  _ of them were looking at him like they were lions and he was fresh meat. The thought made Evan shake.

“So, Acorn. I hear that a certain someone came to The Busy Bean today.” Of course, Evan should have guessed it.

“And it turns out that you  _ lied _ to me yesterday when you said that you didn’t see Connor Murphy, now why would you do that?” Evan shrugged, trying to appear calm and collected, like he had just forgotten the fact that he had met Connor yesterday.

“I don’t u-understand why it’s such a big deal that I know Connor. He’s a person too you know, not just a celebrity, and he has feelings too.” Evan spoke so quickly it was barely understandable. Why did they have to care so much?

“Jared, you should have seen Evan’s face when Connor walked in today. I’ve never seen someone so scared in their life. I thought he was going to melt into the coffee machine.” The pair of them burst out laughing, and Evan started to feel like he was the butt of some big joke, except the joke was that he existed.

“That’s because Evan 110% has a crush on him. Did I ever tell you about the time that I caught him staring at pictures of Connor online?” Jared was the worst. The absolute worst. Maybe he could just run outside and get hit by a car so that he would never have to deal with Jared’s bullshit ever again.

“That makes so much sense! It was honestly like Connor was God and Evan was one of his disciples!” Jared and Abigail roared with laughter, completely ignoring Evan’s mumbles of  _ I’m Jewish _ .

Evan had never before wished so greatly that a large group of customers would enter The Busy Bean. Yes he would likely have a panic attack but at least Jared and Abigail would shut the hell up.

Someone up above must have pitied Evan that day, because moments after he thought about it, the door flung open and a group of at least 15 sweaty tourists piled into the cafe, laughing and talking loudly. Evan quickly made his way to the till before Abigail could. If he took orders they wouldn’t be able to question him. He only had to last for 45 minutes. 

* * *

Exactly 47 minutes later, (yes, he was counting) Evan pushed the door open to The Busy Bean. He had never been so glad to leave work in his life.

The rush of the tourist group had completely drained him of any energy he had had left. Their english had been limited and their patience short. Normally, Evan would have hidden behind the coffee machine and let Abigail or Jared deal with the customers, but he had been so desperate to get away from their questions he had put himself in front of the till to deal with them.

Luckily, the rush with the tourists had distracted Abigail and Jared from asking about Connor any more, and he had managed to get away without having to talk about it anymore.

Speaking of Connor…

Evan reached into his bag and fished out his phone, hands trembling as he removed the napkin, staring at it again. He held it for a few moments, so he could convince himself that it did exist, and that he was holding Connor Murphy’s cellphone number between his fingers.

Numbly, he unlocked his phone and typed the number in, mind whirling.

How does one start a text conversation? Evan wouldn’t know. His only conversations with Jared were when Jared wanted to change shifts, or when he demanded that Evan come over to play video games. Heidi didn’t text, she only called. Didn’t she understand how much that stressed him out? Evan had a few other numbers in his phone, such as his therapist, and a few numbers of classmates he had done projects with (including Alana, apparently), but that was it. He had never been given someone’s phone number with no actual solid reason to text them. What was he supposed to say?

_ Hi. _

No, too simple.

_ What’s up. _

Too friendly.

_ Hello, it’s Evan Hansen. I thought that I would text you so that you had my number. _

Far too formal.

The entire walk home Evan contemplated what his first message to Connor should be. It needed to be perfectly crafted if he wanted to impress Connor and become his friend.

Eventually he decided on  _ Hi, it’s Evan Hansen from the coffee shop :) _

He pressed send before he could doubt himself again.

He fumbled with his keys, heart racing. The message was sent. Connor would receive it. He would (hopefully) reply. Patience was key though. Connor was probably incredibly busy with planning for Zoe’s wedding, he likely wouldn’t reply for hours… if he even replied at all.

Evan could feel his anxiety bubbling dangerously. He quickly slammed the door shut to his apartment and instantly shivered. How was it possible that it was this cold inside, while still being relatively warm outside. Normally, he would just turn on the heater, but it was Spring, and he couldn’t afford to pay. Instead, he moved to his drawers and pulled out multiple hoodies and grabbed his blanket off of his bed. His heart clenched slightly as he pulled the second, larger hoodie over his head. It had been 7 months since things ended with Aaron, and he had never asked for his hoodie back, so Evan had not given it.

He felt safe enclosed by the large hoodie, snuggled under a blanket his mother had gifted him. Warmth always made him feel at home.

_ Ding _

Evan froze.

It probably wasn’t Connor, it was probably his mum texting to check on him. Nevermind the fact that she literally never texted and only called. Don’t get your hopes up.

Message from:  _ (585)-776-8372 _

That was Connor’s number.

Not that Evan had memorised it naturally on the way home because he spent so long staring at it.

_ (585)-776-8372: Hey Evan Hansen, I didn’t think you would actually text me. _

Why did you think that?

_ (585)-776-8372: Well it was kind of out of the blue, don’t think you’re obligated to message me or anything. _

I don’t think that :)

Evan almost instantly regretted the smiley face at the end. Connor probably thought he was weird. Dammit.

_ (585)-776-8372: Okay cool :) _

Connor liked smiley faces, apparently. If Evan was honest, it was kind of cute. On an impulse he saved Connor’s number under his name with a smiley face.

_ Connor :): How was the rest of your shift? _

Stressful. There were lots of Karen’s and loud annoying tourists. And Jared came to visit which always gives me anxiety.

_ Connor :): Jared Kleinman? You’re still friends with him? _

You remember him? And yeah, I guess.

_ Connor :): Yeah, I remember him alright. He used to call me clusterfuck Connor. Take it he’s still an asshole? _

Oh god, I’m so sorry that he was like that. Jared just… doesn’t know boundaries sometimes.

And I mean, I don’t wanna be rude to him or anything…

But yeah, Jared can be a massive dick.

_ Connor :): Hahaha, why are you still friends with him then? _

Evan paused. Should he be honest? Connor seemed like the kind of person who wasn’t judgmental, no matter what his stupid brain told him.

I don’t really know if I would consider him my actual friend… Family friend I guess.

_ Connor :): Oh okay. Fair enough. _

_ Connor :): Btw I told Alana I ran into you and she said it’s been so long since she’s seen you! She said she would text you about catching up sometime, has she done that yet? _

Evan frowned. He had just assumed Alana had either forgotten about him, or she didn’t want to be his friend.

As if she had been summoned, his phone pinged with a new message from Alana.

_ Alana: Hi Evan! It’s Alana. Connor told me he ran into you the other day. We should catch up this week with Connor and Zoe too! How are you finding your course this year? I’m quite upset that we don’t have any classes together this semester, but I am taking CLIM376 next semester; I hope you are too. When are you free to catch up? _

Evan had forgotten how lively Alana was. It was like she was the polar opposite to him. And she actually wanted to hang out with him? With Connor and Zoe? Evan didn’t know if he could handle that. He could barely breathe around just Connor. Zoe probably wouldn’t remember him anyway, he wasn’t exactly memorable, and they had never been friends.

Although if Evan remembered correctly, Zoe had struggled to make real friends just as much as he had, although for a completely different reason. He vividly remembered the day that everyone found out that Connor was starring in a movie. Zoe had been bombarded by kids in every grade asking if she knew anything about it, had she met Brad Pitt, how was Connor, was she going to be in the movie too blah blah blah.

Zoe had taken a week off of school. When she returned, she kept to herself, and refused to answer anyone’s questions about Connor. Every year, freshmen tried to bug her, and every year she ignored them. Evan had felt bad for her actually.

Hi Alana, didn’t think you still had my number lol.

My course is really cool actually, I’m really enjoying it. And yep I’m taking CLIM376 next semester.

We don’t have to hang out if you don’t want to, but I’m free Wednesday or Thursday or whatever.

Congrats on the engagement as well!

Evan cringed when he realised he had spam texted Alana instead of sending everything in one message. He didn’t really understand, but Jared had told him that it was social suicide to send more than one message in succession, and Evan had anxiety, so he listened.

_ Connor :): So, Evan. What’s your favourite food in the whole wide world? _

Evan blinked, realising he had forgotten to reply to Connor’s earlier message.

Yes she did, thank you :)

Ummm.. probably these vegan brownies you get from this bakery down the street from my apartment.

_ Connor :): you’re vegan right? I remember you argued with Mr Fischer in 7th grade because he tried to make you taste the quiche he was making haha. Made my day. _

Evan blinked.

Connor  _ remembered _ that? Connor remembered that one day in 7th grade where his home economics teacher had tried to force him to eat the food they were making that day but Evan had refused because it had pork in it. Not only was Evan vegan, but he was also  _ Jewish _ . Mr Fischer hadn’t been the smartest of teachers.

Wow um, I’m impressed you remember. And yeah I’m supposed to be vegan, but I really love eggs… kinda like my cheat meal.

_ Connor :): Eggs are the BEST. I literally eat them every day haha. _

_ Connor :): And I remember more than most people think :) _

Have you tried the eggs at Sunny Park Diner? They honestly do the best scrambled eggs that I’ve ever tasted.

_ Connor :): Oh my god I remember that place! I’m totally gonna go there for breakfast tomorrow morning. _

_ Connor :): Wanna come with? Getting sick of my parents and could use some company :) _

Evan was so shocked that he had to put his phone down and remind himself to breathe. Connor Murphy, who had like, a million friends, wanted to hang out with him? Evan’s heart was fluttering so much he thought he might faint.

_ Connor :): Only if you want to though. _

Yeah sure, sounds good to me. 

You sure though?

Like you don’t have to hang out with me just because you feel sorry for me or whatever.

_ Connor :): ??? _

_ Connor :): I don’t feel sorry for you. _

_ Connor :): I wanna hang out with you, don’t let your anxieties get the better of you. _

_ Connor :): What time do your classes start tomorrow? I can pick you up and drop you off after we have breakfast. _

Oh you don’t have to do that, I’ll just walk. 

_ Connor :): Time? _

My first class is 10am. And really, you don’t have to.

_ Connor :): Great. I’ll pick you up at 8am. Send your address :)) _

Connor definitely wasn’t taking no for an answer, and as Evan typed out his address, he was convinced Connor was his guardian angel. Maybe for the first time in his sad life, Evan would be able to make an  _ actual _ friend.

* * *

It was very cold.

Evan wrapped his arms further around his body, Aaron’s hoodie flapping at his thighs and the sleeves covering his shaking hands. Even though it was April it was absolutely freezing outside. The cold was supposed to clear by midday but it was currently 7:50am, so it would be cold for the next few hours.

Connor wasn’t supposed to be arriving until 8, but Evan had gotten so worried that he would come early and then try to come up to his apartment and see how utterly disgusting it was and then he would wonder why Evan even lived there and then he wouldn’t want to hang out with him because he was gross and-

So Evan had decided to wait outside 20 minutes early.

He had been standing in the cold shivering for about 10 minutes now, and he was seriously regretting his choice. But since the cruel anxiety monster raged in his head, he forced himself to stay outside.

At 5 to 8 exactly, a sleek black car pulled to a halt in front of Evan, his numb fingers wrenched the door open and he barrelled inside, desperate to escape the harsh winds.

“Jesus, Evan. You look seconds away from catching pneumonia. Are you okay?” The hand on his arm and Connor’s silky voice sent a shock of warmth through his body.

“Y-y-yeah, just cold.” Connor barked out a laugh, and muttered  _ no shit _ under his breath as he started to drive. Evan quickly fastened his seatbelt and started to blow on his shivering hands. Connor gave him a side-eye and reached over to press a button in front of Evan. Almost instantly, the seat underneath him began to heat up.

“There should be a blanket in the back of the car.” Connor nodded to the backseat and sure enough, there was a big purple blanket curled up behind him. Evan reached behind and pulled the blanket to him, wrapping it tightly around his body so only his head was visible. He felt like a burrito. A purple burrito.

“I turned the seat warmers on, so hopefully you should heat up soon.” Connor did a double take when he looked over at Evan, and a soft smile worked its way onto his face.

“What were you doing out there in the cold, Evan? You should’ve waited inside for me, much safer.” Connor’s voice had a strange tone to it that Evan was unfamiliar with. He was probably imagining it, but was Connor…  _ worried about him? _ In fact he seemed so sincere that Evan couldn’t imagine telling him anything but the truth.

“Well, I was really worried that you would arrive early or something, and then you would have to wait outside which no one likes and then you would get upset at me f-for making you wait…. And then I got so worried that I woke up like, 2 hours before my alarm was set and then I decided it would be best to wait outside for you but it was way too early and  _ I swear  _ I was going to go back inside but I kept thinking you would arrive at like, any moment and that would be really awkward because you might think that I didn’t want to hang out with you which is like, the  _ complete opposite _ to the truth, that could not be further from the truth. But you wouldn’t know that and then I might ruin my chances of you being my friend which would be the absolute worst-” Evan trailed off his long winded explanation when he realised that Connor was staring at him. Initially, he wondered  _ oh fuck what if we crash because he’s not paying attention to the road _ before he realised that at some point in his ramble Connor had pulled over and had put the car in park. Evan looked down at his hands, the fearlessness he had once had wearing off instantly.

“I am  _ so sorry _ I just don’t know when to stop sometimes, it just comes out unfiltered which I absolutely  _ hate _ but I can’t stop it and I’m probably annoying you I am so so sorry-” A hand enclosed his, cutting off Evan’s speech instantly because was Connor Murphy actually holding his hand? 

“Evan, for the love of god, stop apologising.”

“I’m sorry- I mean…. You know what I mean.” His voice became small, and Evan pinched his thigh repeatedly. If he was alone he might have thrown a few punches in there too for good measure. Would he ever be able to speak like a normal person?

“Don’t apologise to people for things you can’t control. It’s a bad habit and makes you believe that you’re like, at fault for having an anxiety disorder which is  _ unbelievably _ stupid. So don’t do it, okay? Or I’ll…. I’ll…” Connor’s eyes darted around as if he would find the answer outside in the cold.

“I don’t know what I’ll do but, that’s not the point. It’s not good for you to apologise so much, okay?” The sincerity in Connor’s voice grounded Evan. He knew that Connor was right, but it was so hard, he didn’t want to be a burden to anyone.

“I.. I can-” Evan’s voice cracked and his face burned. “I can try.”

“That’s all that I ask.” Evan took the time to notice his surroundings once Connor started driving again. He had an extremely nice car. He was about to ask how he afforded it when he remembered that Connor’s acting debut had been a multimillion dollar movie. He had probably made more money off of that job as a teenager than Evan would make in his entire life time. The thought of it almost sent Evan spiraling into another panic attack (would he ever get a break?) because he probably had mold all over him from his awful apartment and how disgusting was that? Connor wouldn’t want that in his car.

“Are you feeling any better? The seat warmers on this car are pretty fucking sick.”

“Yeah I am, thank you.” Evan wanted to say more about how he was sorry he was such a freak and how his broke ass definitely didn’t deserve to be seated in this most likely hundred thousand dollar car but he finally allowed himself to look fully at Connor and he was instantly distracted.

Connor had his hair up in a bun again, and it was quickly becoming Evan’s favourite hairstyle of his. He mostly just liked it because he could easily admire Connor’s jawline, but no one had to know that. He wore a loose turtleneck with a thick trench coat over the top, and his neck and wrists were covered with an assortment of dangly jewelry. There was polish on his nails which somehow made him extremely attractive. Evan probably just liked the fact that he was comfortable enough in his masculinity to paint his nails and grow his hair long and wear jewelry. Evan wished he had that courage.

“Like something you see?” A blush spread so fiercely across his checks that Evan was sure he was actually on fire. Connor had caught him staring. Connor thought he was a creep or a crazy fan.

“No I wasn’t- I would never, I’m not trying to- I promise I’m not a crazy fan or anything… that sounds so suspicious but I swear. I was admiring- I liked… ugh I was just, admiring your sense of style… I w-would never have the… the courage to wear what you wear. And you have really good fashion sense. I’m sorry, this is so weird I-”

“Chillax, Evan. It’s cool. I wouldn’t have invited you to hang out with me if I thought you were a stalker or a crazy fan or whatever you were saying. And I appreciate the compliment. Although the only reason you think I have good style is because I was dressed by professionals for like, 5 years. And thank  _ God _ because honestly, 13 year old me had no style. I would have been absolutely destroyed in those shitty magazines that 50 year old women buy at the supermarket counter. Any way their way of working rubbed off on me. I add my own flare of course.” He flicked his wrist and the bracelets jangled together. Evan looked down at the massive grey sweater he wore. His style could be described as khakis, polos, and hoodies. Or as Jared called it, the fashionless closeted gay style.

“I can give you tips if you want. You could come round to the place I’m renting and I could have like, a style session. Ooh that would be awesome. I can already picture exactly what you would look good in. Would you consider yourself confident in your masculinity?” Caught off guard, Evan stared at Connor while he opened and closed his mouth like a stupid fish. If he was a fish he would definitely be a goldfish. Stupid.

“I… I’m gay, if that answers your question. Well-” He pinched his thigh under the blanket, “I’m not  _ technically _ gay, per se. I kinda just say that because it’s easier to explain. To be honest I don’t really know what I am, and labels are  _ stupid _ like why should I have to fall under a category just to please the masses, can’t I just  _ exist _ without stressing about the existential crisis of where I belong for like, two seconds-” Connor’s hand squeezed his own, bringing Evan back to reality slightly.

“I’m gonna need to figure out a good way to shut you up when you start to ramble.” Evan’s hands started to sweat profusely.

“Your h-hand, I mean- I don’t… when you hold m-m-my hand, it like, brings me back to r-reality… I g-guess. I don’t know, it’s stupid.” Another squeeze.

“Hand holding it is then. And by the way, being gay or whatever you want to all yourself doesn’t make you less masculine. Masculinity is a societal construct that’s basically a prison. You can have feminine straights and masculine gays, it’s all utterly idiotic if you ask me. Except I’m probably the worst person to hear that from because I am gay and also extremely feminine, in case you couldn’t tell,” A snort filled the car, “So I ask again, are you confident enough in your masculinity? Because all the looks I have in my head right now would make all the straight cishet conservatives shake in their fat, homophobic boots.” 

Unsurprisingly, Connor’s passionate tone made Evan feel very warm. It was unsurprising because it seemed that everything Connor did made him warm.

“Were you listening when I told you that I have an anxiety disorder?” Connor’s laugh was silky, so very silky just like his voice, and it filled the car with such happiness that Evan was turning red.

“B-but I…” Curse him for having such a weak voice, “One day I would really like that just… just not yet.” Connor nodded in understanding, and Evan suddenly realised that the car wasn’t moving and they were parked right outside Sunny Park Diner.

“O-oh shit, when did we arrive?”

“Like, 10 minutes ago. Did you actually not notice? I thought you were just too nervous to go in or something. And I’m not about to make you do something that will set off your anxiety.” He was so darn considerate. Why couldn’t Jared be like this? Instead of laughing and poking fun and walking away when Evan was having an episode.  _ Probably because Jared hates you. He hates being brought down by you, he thinks you’re a freak. _

Evan stayed close to Connor as they walked through the diner doors. Luckily, all the work people who came for their morning coffee and eggs had left, and there were very few people inside. No one looked up as the door chimed, except the waitress. She did a double take before rushing over with a pair of menus in her hands and an overly fake grin on her face.

“Good morning! How can I help you?” All her attention was focused on Connor, which was probably a combination of Evan sinking behind Connor’s taller form looking like he would cry if anyone so much as looked at him, and the fact that Connor was  _ Connor _ and people seemed to look at him like he was an angel reborn. Oh and he was famous. There was that too.

“Table for two please.” The young waitress nodded, turning to lead them to an empty table by the window. Evan couldn’t help but notice that she swung her hips slightly. Interesting.

The boys took a seat opposite each other, and Evan made a point to look very interestedly at the menu, like he hadn’t been here several dozen times before.

“Can I get you boys anything to drink to start off with?” Evan could see out of the corner of his eye that the girl had her hands on the table and was leaning forward slightly. He wished she would just go away.

“Not yet, we’ve barely had a chance to look.” Connor tried to play it off like a joke, but the sharpness of his voice and his shoulders made the waitress nod and leave immediately. Evan raised an eyebrow in question and Connor rolled his eyes.

“She was annoying me. I am probably the gayest human to walk this earth and she was just standing there tryna look all pretty or whatever and fluttering her eyelids and she just looked so….  _ Weird _ . Girls are weird.” Evan couldn’t help but agree. Girls  _ were _ weird. Some of them were very pretty though.

“I didn’t know you were gay.” 

Connor raised an eyebrow.

“Did you forget our masculinity talk from about five minutes ago?”

“Oh, no. No no no I meant- I was trying to say…. I uh, um. I didn’t know before today… like I didn’t think it was common knowledge among people…. The media, and… yeah.” He felt sufficiently embarrassed.

“Yeah, well. I don’t hide it from people I actually like. But the press, the media…. They’re just a bunch of pretentious assholes who couldn’t actually care less about me as a person. So I don’t tell them. I’m not in the closet though, if that’s your question. If I got a boyfriend I wouldn’t try and hide it.” The bracelets on Connor’s wrist jingle as he flips through the menu. The fact that Connor doesn’t have a boyfriend is an interesting and completely relevant fact that Evan tucks away for later.

“So the scrambled eggs are the best, yeah?” Evan nodded furiously.

“Oh, yes. But they also do incredible poached eggs. Omelettes are not so great, but I probably just think that because they don’t have a vegetarian option.” The snort that Connor released from his nose was anything but graceful.

“I'm definitely feeling scrambled this morning. How’s their coffee?”

“I don’t drink coffee, but according to Jared it’s good. Oh but if you get a large you should ask for an extra shot.” Jared was a coffee fiend, and had not hesitated to explain the details of almost every coffee shop in central Rochester; the good, the bad, where you need to ask for extra creamers and where they give you free extra shots. He explained all of this to Connor who seemed impressed.

“I have a lot of useless information in my brain,” Evan added, “I like knowing things. Even if the knowledge is completely useless in any normal situation. For example, did you know that the largest living organism is an aspen grove? It’s 100 acres of aspen trees in Utah which share a complex root system and you probably don’t care but I don’t know I just think it’s a cool fact.” Sheepishly, Evan rubbed the back of his neck and focused intently on the menu.

“That’s really cool actually. I’m pretty stupid so I don’t know a lot about anything.” It was meant to be a joke, but Evan just frowned.

“That’s not true. I remember in 6th grade english you got an A on that essay we had to write about our favourite book.” Connor was completely taken aback. Right, he wasn’t supposed to remember random stuff about people he barely knew.

“That was because I really liked that book… nothing else we ever did interested me.”

“Exactly. So you’re not stupid, you’re just only motivated if it’s something you are passionate about. That doesn’t make you unintelligent Connor.” The boys made eye contact across the table, and Evan was once again reminded about the streak of brown in Connor’s bright blue eyes. If he was honest he could probably stare at Connor all day and not get bored, he was very interesting.

“Are you guys ready to order?” The smiley, sultry waitress was back. Evan instantly hid behind his menu.

“I think so… Evan?” He could only nod, his brain busy with trying to memorise the correct sentence to say when she asked for his order. Scrambled eggs on grain toast but with absolutely no butter and a glass of orange juice.  _ Scrambled eggs on grain toast but with absolutely no butter and a glass of orange juice _ . Deep breaths, he could do this.

Connor’s hand was on his again, and Evan realised his breathing had gotten abnormally loud and he was sweating through his hoodie. Had they blasted the heat pump? Or was he just having an episode. He looked up, and the waitress was eyeing him with part concern and part confusion. 

“Um… I- I would… like, uh, sorry… I mean-” He was a mess. A fucking shrivelling wet mess. Without realising it Evan began to squeeze hard on Connor’s hand, and before he could gather himself and try and speak again, Connor had squeezed back and was talking to the waitress.

“Yeah he’ll have the scrambled eggs on…” Evan pointed a trembling finger at the grain loaf. “On grain bread… and no butter on the bread please. With….. An orange juice on the side.” Evan had never been so grateful for anyone in his entire life. The waitress quickly left, but not before glancing at their hands.

“I-I’m sorry. God I’m so messed up, I can’t even order my own breakfast without having a breakdown. I’m really sorry-”

“Evan, we talked about this. Stop apologising for things you can’t control. You have a literal anxiety disorder, it’s not your fault that you can’t speak properly sometimes.” With another squeeze of his hand, Connor let go and Evan instantly felt the loss.

“Thank you. Really, I’ve never- no one’s ever…. Nevermind.” He trailed off. Connor wouldn’t want to know how lonely he was, how he had no friends, how no one had ever really  _ been there _ like that for him before.

“No, what is it?” Connor pressed, leaning towards Evan slightly.

“It’s just… no one’s ever really done that kind of thing for me before. No one’s cared enough to think about what’s making me anxious and then actually  _ do _ something to help me… It’s stupid I-” Evan groaned and scratched his arm hard causing red marks to appear. “I don’t have any  _ proper  _ fucking friends and it’s so so unbelievably sad-”

“Woah woah woah, Evan. I’m hurt. I thought we were really getting along here.” Connor’s words implied hurt but there was an undeniable grin on his face. Emotions were confusing.

“I- what? Are you… you want to- I’m your friend?” Evan says the last word so pathetic and hopeful that he felt like a child again. A stupid naive child.

“I thought I made that clear when I invited you to hang out and agreed to hold your hand whenever you get anxious.” As if to prove a point, Connor’s fingers stretched out and brushed against Evan’s, and even that small touch calmed his insecurities slightly.

“Sorry I… I’m terrible at reading people. I won’t get anything unless you say it to me completely straight. Jared likes to make jokes and say things that I won’t understand so please maybe like, don’t do that.”

“Jared is an asshole.” Evan laughed but noticed the dark and serious glint in Connor’s eyes and let the laugh fade out.

“I mean, y-you’re not wrong but-”

“No but. He’s a real piece of work. What kinda person takes advantage of someone’s anxiety disorder? Like what if you broke your leg and I stole your crutches and teased you when you couldn’t go anywhere. It’s fucked up.” Connor leaned back against the booth, eyes flicking to look out the window.

“Sorry but- I don’t like the thought that you get treated like that. No one deserves that shit, especially not you.” A large chunk of hair fell from Connor’s bun, and he scowled before attempting to tuck it behind his ear. This failed of course, and the hair instead hung over his eyes. Giving up, he took the hair tie out, letting the dark brown mane fall onto his shoulders. 

Evan really liked Connor’s hair.

“Well I have you now, right? And I don’t think you’re an asshole like, at all… so.”

The wholesome moment was interrupted by the waitress who had returned with their food and drinks. Evan had been panicking when Connor ordered his food, and could now see he had ordered scrambled eggs as well, but with sourdough and black coffee. Surprisingly, there was a chocolate muffin placed down between them as well. Evan assumed Connor had ordered it but the confused look on his face told him otherwise.

“Sorry, I think there was a mistake. We didn’t order a muffin.” The waitress just eyed Connor up and down with a hungry look in her gaze.

“Oh I know. It’s on the house.” The girl winked at Connor, and Evan had to bury his face in his arm to stop himself from belly laughing at the look on Connor’s face. If he didn’t know it already he would definitely have figured out that the other boy was gay by now. The utter confusion and disgust on his face was almost too much. Evan was sure the waitress thought he was completely demented as his whole body shook with silent laughter while his face was hidden by his sleeve.

“Oh. Well. Thanks I guess.” Connor turned his focus to his meal in an attempt to make the waitress leave them the fuck alone. With a small  _ hmph _ the waitress walked away, a little stomp in her step.

“Don’t laugh, Evan. I’m too gay for this fucking shit.” The annoyance in Connor’s voice was palpable, and Evan was unable to stop the loud and bright laugh that burst from his chest.

“I’m so sorry it’s just- I’ve never seen such a confused look on someone's face before. That was priceless!” Evan meets Connor’s gaze, and it’s not long before the both of them are laughing freely, breakfast forgotten for a split moment.

Evan’s eyes are still closed when he realises that Connor is no longer laughing. Opening them he is greeted by Connor’s massive iPhone in front of his face and instinctively he jumps away.

“Did you just take a photo of me?” He asked incredulously, already reaching to try and snatch the phone from Connor’s hands.

“Yes I did, and no I will not delete it because it’s adorable.” Connor holds the phone behind him and no matter how far Evan leans over he is not even close to reaching it. Damn Connor and his long lanky arms.

“At least let me see it?” He pleads. Connor turns the phone around to show him.

Evan is clearly laughing heavily in the photo. His eyes are scrunched together and his nose is crinkled. Mouth partially open. Hands flat on the table covered slightly by his hoodie sleeves but his body is loose and relaxed. The background behind him is blurred slightly; Connor must have used portrait mode. Technically speaking, it was a good photo. Bright, not blurry, and Evan looked really happy.

But…

His anxiety started to trickle into his thoughts. His face looked weird, mouth slanted slightly and eyes too crumpled. His body was too strange, and his massive hoodie made it look like he had put on about 30 pounds.

“I’m saving this.” Connor stated, his tone not leaving room for argument, even though every bone in Evan’s body screamed for the picture to be instantly destroyed in a fire. He mumbled in defeat and started to eat his food.

Any grievance he had towards Connor was instantly forgotten when the fluffy eggs made their way into his mouth. He practically moaned because of how good they tasted.

“These eggs can fucking get it.” Connor’s speech was muffled, as he too had a mouthful of egg and toast, so it came out more like  _ veseeggsganfugingetit _ and the pair grinned at each other. Within minutes both had finished their eggs and were slurping down their respective drinks.

“I am deeply satisfied.” Connor mumbled, a hand resting over his belly, “and also very full. What time is it?” Evan glanced at his watch.

“9:45. Damn, I really need to get going.” A sad lump formed in his stomach as Connor nodded and raised a hand to ask for the cheque. Who knows when he would see Connor next, if he even wanted to see Evan again.

The thought plagued him deeply, and he barely noticed as Connor paid and they stepped outside into the cold. Shivering, the boys made their way to the car and quickly hopped inside.

“Damn. I’m kinda fucking sad you have to go to class. I was having fun.” Connor huffed, starting the engine. It was almost like he had read Evan’s mind.

“Well Alana wanted to catch up in a few days.” Evan offered weakly.

“If you ever need to run errands, hit me up. I’ll happily drive you around and listen to your rambling if it means that I have to spend less time with my parents.” The joke that Connor tried to make turned into spite, and Evan could tell there was more to that sentence than he let on. Now was not the time to ask, however. His college was just around the corner.

“I might take you up on that.” Evan murmured as Connor pulled up right outside the massive university building. After putting the car in park he reached across and grabbed Evan’s hand again. Evan was glad Connor couldn’t hear his heartbeat as it raced.

“Text me.” Evan offered, grabbing his stuff after a quick squeeze of Connor’s hand.

“I apologise in advance for the barrage of complaints you’re going to receive throughout the day.” Connor’s silky voice called after Evan and he let out a huff of laughter.

“Bye Connor.” The smile across Evan’s face was wide and  _ real _ . He couldn’t remember the last time he had been this happy. Probably never.

Connor gave him a quick salute and a small smirk before his car screeched away, and if the silly smile didn’t leave Evan’s face for at least 10 minutes, no one had to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ran away from me a little bit, they're just so fucking fun to write. And in good news, within a week I'll be back home with three weeks of holiday ahead of me so expect a few more chapters! 
> 
> once again if you find any mistakes or cultural errors ie things Americans would never say don't hesitate to tell me!
> 
> hope you all have a great weekend! :)


	3. we're all a little bit GAY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a lot of gay in this chapter. remember they are gay and also very stupid. also the girls finally make an appearance yay!

Evan considered himself quite a focused and studious person. His GPA had always been high, and even though he spoke little if at all in class, his teachers knew he was always on top of the work. They probably assumed he had a strong work ethic; and they wouldn’t be wrong. But it was mostly due to Evan’s anxieties that he focused hard on his work. Just the thought of being called out in class and not knowing the answer to the question made him quiver.

It was mostly due to this fact that he tried his very best to ignore his phone whenever it buzzed in his hoodie pocket. While his professors probably wouldn’t bat an eyelid at him quickly checking a message, the thought of being called on while completely unprepared was too worrisome to ignore. Of course, his phone chose that moment to start buzzing every few seconds. What if it was his mum and she was hurt? What if Connor had figured out he was a fucking creep and was yelling at him for being so weird?

_Shut up_. He growled to himself. Everything was fine. If there was trouble someone would call him. His mum was safe. Connor was probably just ranting about something. It’s just Connor.

_Just Connor._

It wasn’t really _Just Connor_ because it was impossible for Connor to be _Just Connor_ . At least in Evans head. Was that weird? Yes Connor was a superstar but he was also just a _person_. A kid, really. He would probably find it very weird that Evan looked at him with starstruck eyes and thought he was an actual angel. He definitely got enough of it from his fans.

The fans. Evan hadn’t really thought about them yet, even though some of them had been the very instigation for his full blown panic attack just a few days earlier. Connor had a lot of… very _intense_ fans, to say the least; and he always had. It wasn’t hard to see why. The paparazzi and journalists liked to label him as a fuck boy, which Evan had always thought was absurd. Connor was just a little puppy.

He was being weird and creepy again.

Frustratedly, Evan realised that he had zoned out and had missed part of the lecture. The anxiety threatened to rise up and swallow him whole so he put his head down and listened intently to the last few minutes of the class.

He was very relieved when the teacher ended the class five minutes early. It had been his last class of the day as well, so he could finally calm himself by looking through the texts that Connor had sent.

There were several messages directly from Connor, but the reasoning behind the constant buzzing made itself very clear when Evan realised he had been added to a group chat.

Huh.

Evan Hansen didn’t just get added to group chats. In fact, the only times he had ever been in one was in order to do a school project. He definitely didn’t have any group work coming up, so what was going on?

He decided to look at Connor’s messages first. There were several from different points throughout the day.

_10:04 Connor :): Hope you have a fantastic day Evan. Also beware, I tend to rant about my parents a lot. Sorry in advance :)_

_11:33 Connor :): Zoe wants me to come taste wedding cakes with her and I’m supposed to be on a diet :(_

_11:35 Connor :): I decided to go anyway._

_12:02 Connor :): I regret my decision :(_

_1:49 Connor :): God my dad is such a prick. Dads are the worst._

_2:27 Connor :): I hope you don’t mind that Alana added you. I told her it might make you anxious but she said it would be easier to organise everything through that. I’ll remove you if you want :)_

It was so… human. Connor was messaging Evan like he was an old friend. The thought made him warm.

Hi Connor! My day was uneventful if I’m honest. And don’t worry about ranting, we both know that I’m the one who can’t seem to stop talking.

Also I agree. Dads ARE the worst.

He then clicked on the group chat. It was with Connor, Alana, and an unknown number, probably Zoe, if Connor’s message was anything to go by.

_Alana created the group CATCH UP!!!! with Connor :) , Alana , XXX-XXX-XXXX_

_Alana: Hey guys! Thought it would be easier to chat on here. When is everyone free?_

_Connor :): Alana, you have issues._

_Alana: Says you. At least I have common sense._

_XXX-XXX-XXXX: Honestly the both of you are unbelievable._

_Connor :): I have plenty of common sense._

_Alana: Need I remind you of last christmas? I’m sure Evan would find that story hilarious._

_Connor :): I’m free whenever._

_Alana: That’s what I thought._

_XXX-XXX-XXXX: I have meetings tomorrow morning but nothing after 2._

_XXX-XXX-XXXX: And Connor will be with me._

_Connor :): I swear I’m just here for you to drag around like a rag doll. What time do I have to get up now huh? 4am?_

_XXX-XXX-XXXX: You got up at 7am this morning to see Evan._

_Connor :): I won’t stand for this bullying._

Evan found himself smiling broadly. Was this what it was like to have a group of friends? Not that Alana and Zoe were really his friends, but they could be one day.

Hey guys! Thanks so much Alana, you really didn’t have to. I’m free tomorrow afternoon but I have work at 5 :) 

_Alana: It’s no problem! How about we meet at that bakery on Clifford Avenue. It’s near my work so I can easily slip away to come meet you guys._

_XXX-XXX-XXXX: Sounds good to me_

Clifford Avenue? That was an hours walk away, or a grueling 30 minute bus ride. Evan _hated_ public transport. Close proximity to strangers, so many social rules and cues that he couldn’t seem to understand, that weird smell. And he had class until 1:30; there was no way he would make it in time if he walked.

How was he going to tell them? They probably all had fancy cars like Connor did. He didn’t want them to think that he was poor. Even though he was. Maybe he shouldn’t go. Why had Alana invited him again? They had never been proper friends, just _acquaintances_ , and he didn’t know Zoe at all. This was a mistake. He was about to message them and say he couldn’t make it when a new private message popped up. 

_Connor :): Want me to pick you up tomorrow?_

It was like he had read Evans' mind.

You really don’t have to. I’m sure I could find a way there. 

_Connor :): Evan it's like an hour walk, and you don’t seem like the kind of person who would enjoy the bus._

You read me far too easily. Are you sure? 

_Connor :): 1:45 okay?_

Perfect. 

_Connor :): oh btw, I don’t know if I properly thanked you for this morning, but I really appreciated you coming to have breakfast with me. I hope you didn’t feel like you were obliged to or anything, but it was really nice to start my day off with good food and a friend. :)_

Oh really it’s nothing. I don’t normally eat breakfast anyway so it was nice to get some food in me before school. 

_Connor :): Evan I’m appalled. Everyone and their dog knows that breakfast is the most important meal of the day._

I feel like that’s a myth. Why is breakfast anymore important than lunch or dinner. Why do we even have to eat three meals a day anyway? Societal pressure? 

_Connor :): I don’t fucking know, I’m not a scientist. You’re the one doing science at college._

Confusion raced through Evan. He had never told Connor what he was studying at college.

I never told you what I was studying? 

He cursed under his breath when he realised how accusatory his response sounded.

Sorry that came out really rude. I didn’t mean it that way. 

I swear I wasn’t trying to suggest anything. I was curious as to how you knew because I don’t remember mentioning it to you. 

I probably just forgot that I said something. Sorry. I’m sorry. 

Evan shoved his phone into his pocket before fumbling with his keys to try and unlock his door. Curse his forever shaky hands. He could never catch a fucking break. There was always some school project to worry about; some kid in his class who looked at him weird sending him into a week long anxious spiral because everyone hates him. He always said something wrong just when things were going perfectly right. Evan always found a way to ruin a perfect day.

Finally he got the door open, and he stumbled inside, ignoring the slam of the door behind him. Throwing his backpack and keys on the ground, he face-planted on his couch.

Ew. This place fucking reeked. It had come fully furnished which Evan had originally thought was a bargain, but the low price almost wasn’t worth it with how much of a shithole it was.

His phone was buzzing again.

With a sigh Evan reached into his pocket and fished it out.

_Connor :): Evan, buddy, chill out. Sorry if I worried you. Alana mentioned in passing today a little more about the class you guys took together. I was interested in learning more about you so I asked some questions. Hope that was okay?_

Oh okay. 

Yeah I’m sorry. I don’t know why I got so weird then. You’re my friend right? You can know things about me. 

_Connor :): Of course I am :)_

As much as Evan wanted to talk to Connor for hours on end, the pile of homework sitting in his bag was calling out to him. He tried to ignore it at first, engaging in conversation with Connor about anything and everything, but his brain kept reminding him until it was all he could think about. 

Hey I kinda have to start my homework now. Text you later! 

_Connor :): Nerd :)_

Evan ignored the warmth in his stomach.

* * *

His eyes hurt. His wrist hurt. Everything hurt.

Evan had been working for almost 7 hours straight now. Once he had started the realisation had hit him that he had a shitload of work to get through, and the pit in his stomach had refused to cease until he worked through everything.

Typing the final few words of his essay was a huge relief, even if everything in him screamed to rewrite it, redo it, it’s not good enough you haven’t even proofread it yet!

He could proofread it tomorrow goddammit, the bloody essay wasn’t even due for another two weeks.

He tidied all his papers up neatly and placed everything in his bag, ready for another grueling day of school tomorrow, before placing his bag by the front door so he wouldn’t forget it on the way out.

Picking up his phone and throwing himself back onto the couch, Evan found himself clicking on instagram and mindlessly scrolling through his feed. It was mostly filled with people he didn’t really know, but had either had a class with or seen around campus. 

Zoe’s smiling face filled his screen. She was standing in front of a rainbow coloured mural, dressed in bright clothes and the most contagious grin on her face. Evan could definitely see why so many people were attracted to her. She was obviously gorgeous. He could remember being extremely fascinated by her in sophomore year. Zoe Murphy; the bright enigma.

It hadn’t really been a crush. Just a weird fascination which faded within days. But Zoe had left her mark on Evan.

Murphy’s tended to do that.

Speaking of Murphy’s, Evan noticed that Connor had commented under her post.

_@connormurphy: this is why you’re the favourite sibling <3 _

|

|

_@zoe_murphy: i’m the favourite sibling because i don’t gag when mom makes her disgusting lasagna._

|

|

_@connormurphy: i’m never complimenting you again in my life._

The small exchange had thousands of likes and comments. It was so strange to think that thousands of complete strangers watched every move the Murphy siblings made. Evan would definitely crumble under such immense pressure. 

He liked Zoe’s post before clicking on Connor’s profile.

It was full of photo shoots, promos for upcoming works, posts with friends. The most recent post was from 4 days ago. Zoe was staring wide eyed into the camera with a crazy smile on her face, while Connor watched her from behind with a softer smile on his face. It was incredibly beautiful and domestic.

_@connormurphy: she’s obviously the insane one in the family. (also my baby sister is getting MARRIED??)_

It was in times like these that Evan wished so deeply that he had a sibling. Someone who would have understood when he didn’t see his mom for 4 days. Someone who you hated but also couldn’t help but love. Someone who would’ve been there for him when he was feeling especially anxious.

Technically he did have siblings. But they were several states away with his dad who he hadn’t been in contact with for 8 years. That didn’t really count.

He scrolled through Connor’s account for a few more moments before he noticed that he had posted to his story a few times.

The first few were a couple of silly pictures and videos with Zoe which had probably been taken when they were tasting cakes this morning. The pair used fake posh voices and tried to hide their laughter as they judged each cake ceremoniously. The last story was from only a few minutes ago, and it was a photo of Connor staring into the camera with a small pout on his face.

_When your friends are busy and your sister ditches you for her fianc_ ée _:(_

Evan found himself smiling slightly, and before he realised what he was doing, he opened his text conversation with Connor.

Is this your passive-aggressive way of telling me to stop doing my homework and message you? 

Stupid stupid stupid. Connor had more friends than just Evan. There was absolutely no way he had been talking about him. God he was thick.

_Connor :): Me?? Passive-aggressive??? Never ;)_

Confusion built inside Evan’s chest. Connor probably just felt sorry for him, didn’t want to offend him… or something.

_Connor :): Stalking my instagram are we, Hansen._

You have an interesting life. 

_Connor :): I disagree._

Evan went to reply but was interrupted by a new instagram notification.

_@connormurphy started following you_

It wasn’t a big deal.

It’s not a big deal. It’s totally normal to follow your friends on instagram. Don’t overthink it. Don’t think about the fact that Connor only follows less than 100 people. Don’t think about his fans noticing that he’s following you and looking at your account. Don’t think about them realising what a complete and utter fuck up you are and leaving countless comments about how you don’t deserve to be Connor’s friend, how you don’t deserve someone as good and as perfect as him because you’re broken and weird and unfixable.

He changed his account to private before throwing his phone across the room and wrapping his blankets tight around his body. A weighted blanket would be an amazing investment to keep him from floating away.

Evan fell asleep almost instantly, but not before a few choice tears trailed down his cheeks.

* * *

Beads of sweat rested in the folds of Evan’s forehead. His last class had run five minutes overtime, and he had made the stupid decision to run back to his apartment. He had more time to get ready but also more to fix. There was no time to shower, so an extra long spray of deodorant would have to do. He tried to wipe the sweat from his face and slow his breathing, but now he was starting to get worked up.

The class had been extremely stressful. They had been asked to get into groups and discuss the current topic in more depth. Group tasks where you weren’t assigned your teammates were Evan’s worst nightmare. No one in his class even knew his name, let alone talked to him, so he had been left to sit by himself before a girl sitting nearby had looked at him with unashamed pity and invited him to join in their group.

Evan had almost thrown up right there and then.

After a few attempts to get him to join in the discussion which were met by stuttering and numerous apologies, the group gave up and let him sit there in silence, begging the ground to open up and swallow him whole. At least the teacher hadn’t asked them to share their discussion with the class, and when they were finally released, Evan sprinted out of there faster than he ever had before.

Now his shirt was gross and had obvious sweat marks at his armpits.

_God he was disgusting._

He thumbed through his wardrobe several times, anxiety only rising. None of these shirts were good enough. Connor, Zoe, and Alana were all gorgeous fashion icons, and he was just a limp, wet, disgusting flannel who wore nothing but polos, big hoodies, and khakis.

Stupid anxiety. There was not enough time for this. Connor would be pulling up outside any moment.

Evan decided to wear his large hoodie again. It was a safe choice.

He threw his work clothes and anything else he might need into his bag before sprinting out the door, hoping that Connor wasn’t waiting outside for him.

Apparently he was out of luck. 

Connor’s black car sat just outside his apartment block. The engine was running and loud music was blasting from inside, but for all Evan knew he would have been waiting there for at least 10 minutes.

_“I am so sorry_ I’m late, my class went over time so I sprinted back to my apartment which in hindsight was an _awful idea_ because then I was super sweaty and gross so I had to change my outfit entirely and I have no clue why I’m telling you this you obviously don’t care I’m sorry for making you wait for me-” Evan let his voice trail off to a squeak while he scrunched his eyes shut, preparing for the worst.

Instead, a warm hand enclosed his, and Connor’s calm voice filled the car as he turned the music down.

“You didn’t keep me waiting, Evan. I arrived like 15 seconds ago. Deep breaths.” He risked opening an eye and was meant with the consuming warmth which was Connor’s smile.

“Oh. Okay. I-.. thank you.”

“So… stressful day?” Evan snorted, fumbling with his seat belt before trying to rest his hands on his thighs to keep them still.

“You could say that, yeah.” There was a beat of hesitation. Should he elaborate? Risking a glance over at Connor, he watched as he fiddled with the radio station, humming quietly to whatever song was playing.

“School was shit.” He slapped a hand over his mouth as soon as he had blurted it out. Connor doesn’t _care_ , Evan. Stop being so needy. He doesn’t care about your problems and your stupid anxiety. Except Connor was glancing over at him, a look on his face which spelt _concern_.

“I- yeah. Sorry, I didn’t mean- I don’t want to…. You probably don’t care.” He tried to laugh it off, but it just came out sad and quiet, and Connor didn’t buy it for one second. There was a gentle squeeze on his hand and a murmur of _go on_ from Connor. Evan attempted to slow his breathing.

“Yeah well, it was just very long, ya know? A-and, we had to have group discussions with our classmates and I am not even kidding when I say that no one in that class knows I e-even exist. So I just had to sit there alone while everyone was laughing and talking. And then this girl- okay look. The one thing I hate more than social interaction is p-pity. Pity is literally the worst because I feel like I’ve committed a mortal sin and everyone’s judging me for it and-... a-a-anyway so this girl obviously pitied me and invited me to her group, but when they tried to get me to give input I just sat there like a fucking _idiot_ and couldn’t say anything and eventually they just gave up and I spent half an hour wanting to climb out of the window because anything would have been better than that _fucking class_.” By the end of his spiel, Evan was breathing heavily and his fists were clenched tight. Vaguely he registered that there was a sharp pain in his palms but his thoughts were running faster than his brain could manage.

“S-s-sorry I d-didn’t mean to ram-ram-ramble so much.” And now his god-awful stutter had returned. Awesome. There was absolutely no way he was going to survive this meeting with Alana and Zoe. He was going to ruin everything and they were going to hate him and Connor was going to finally realise what a fuck up he was and he might as well just go throw himself off-

Huh.

There were arms around him. 

Long, warm arms.

He was being hugged. Connor was hugging him? What?

Evan’s brain finally kicked into gear and as much as he tried to stop himself, he couldn’t. He basically collapsed into Connor’s arms and clung desperately to his shirt. Through his tears, Evan noticed that Connor smelled faintly like roses and cigarettes. Huh. He knew this scent. His mom had used it all throughout high school; so much so that his house always smelt of it. Maybe Connor had borrowed Zoe’s shampoo that morning. He pulled away from Connor’s shirt, looking him dead in the eye.

“You smell like roses.”

Beat.

Connor burst out laughing.

“I’m sorry _what_???” He managed to say. Evan realised he had definitely phrased his sentence wrong.

“Ah, no. I mean- you smell like the shampoo my mom used to use.” He explained sheepishly, darting his eyes around the car.

“Evan Hansen you are incredible. One second you’re crying into my shirt because you had a shitty day, and the next second you tell me I smell like your fucking mom.” Normally, Evan would have shrunk into himself and apologised profusely, but he found a sheepish smile making its way onto his face.

“Shut up.” He mumbled, pushing Connor away and wiping at his eyes furiously, but still with a small smile.

“Hey, seriously. Are you okay? You disappeared last night and now you come into my car all worked up. Do you wanna talk about it?” Connor had a deeply sincere look in his eyes, and it took all of Evan’s energy to not fall into Connor’s arms and cry about all his worries. No, they weren’t at that stage of their friendship yet. If he laid every single one of his problems onto Connor now he would run away screaming. Evan was sure of it. So he just smiled and shook his head.

“I’m okay. Just had a weird day and got a lot on my mind I guess. But uh- I,,, um,” He picked on a loose string on his pants. “Thanks, for like… caring, or whatever. I really appreciate it. Not a lot of people really care, at all… about me, so it’s really nice… and yeah.” He tried to let out a nonchalant laugh but it just came out sharp and sad.

“They’re idiots.” Connor’s tone was harsh, but not towards Evan.

“Huh?”

“Anyone who doesn’t care about you is a fucking idiot. You’re probably the kindest, most sincere person I’ve met. Don’t let the fact that the average IQ of this town is 60 let you down.” Connor took hold of both of his hands and Evan felt his eyes widen.

“Y-you, I… I’m… where have you been all my life?” He tried to joke, but there were tears forming in his eyes again. Connor lifted a hand and gently wiped a falling tear away. Evan had never felt his heart beat so fast and so loud. It felt like at a moment's notice his chest would burst and all his messy wet feelings would spill out all over Connor.

“We should probably… get going.” Connor’s voice was quiet. Evan had never heard him sound so vulnerable. He felt empty when Connor let his hand fall from Evan’s face, but to his great surprise he didn’t let go of his hand. Even when he started to drive and hum along to the song he kept Evan’s hand firmly within his.

“You can find a different channel if you want, I don’t even like this song.” Evan snorted.

“Then why do you keep humming along to it?” He questioned, and Connor rolled his eyes.

“Just because it’s catchy doesn’t mean I like it.” Evan chuckled and used his free hand to turn the dial and change the radio channel until a song came on they both recognised.

“Ooh I fucking _love_ this song!” Connor perked up in his seat and started to sing along, nodding his head to the beat.

“ _I chime in with a haven’t you people ever heard of, closing the GODDAMN DOOR, no!_ ” Evan could barely contain his laughter because Connor couldn’t sing to save his life. The sound was reminiscent of a dying cat.

“Evan, why are you laughing?” Connor shouted over the music, an enormous grin on his face.

“N-nothing.” He tried to control his sniggering but it was 100% not working. “It’s just… for some reason I thought you were like a really good singer b-but..” At the look on Connor’s face Evan dissolved into uncontrollable laughter.

“Evan fucking Hansen, I can’t believe you.” He shook his head in disbelief, but the smile on his face told Evan that he also found it hilarious.

The boys were still trying to control their laughter when Connor pulled up outside the bakery. They chattered loudly amongst themselves, and Connor nudged Evan’s shoulder a few times before they burst into uncontrollable laughter again. They barely noticed Alana and Zoe watching them from inside the bakery.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen Connor that happy.” Alana noticed, nudging Zoe slightly. Zoe smiled broadly.

“He deserves someone like Evan. Don’t you think they would be cute together?” The pair turned to the boys outside again, and Alana raised an eyebrow when Connor shoved Evan playfully and Evan turned to look at Connor and oh this was going to be _very interesting_. 

Alana and Zoe looked at each other, coming to an understanding as the boys walked through the door.

Evan couldn’t take his eyes of Connor as they walked into the bakery. He was talking about how when he was 15 and his parents tried to get him voice lessons because they thought if he could sing he would get more auditions (not that he was short on auditions in the first place). He had lasted two lessons before the teacher had rung his parents up and said that he was a hopeless case and there was absolutely no use in them continuing to pay. Connor ran a hand through his hair and Evan watched as the brown locks fell onto his shoulders and he noticed that there were a pair of sunglasses hanging off of his white shirt, and somehow Connor became infinitely hotter.

“Zoe! Zoe, do you remember when Cynthia and Larry tried to get me voice lessons?” Evan was quickly reminded that they were not just here because Connor enjoyed his company, and that there were other people he had to impress. He spotted Zoe and Alana sitting at a booth in the corner of the bakery, and Zoe was standing to approach the pair. Evan’s hands started to sweat.

“Of course I do, dumbass. You guys are like 10 minutes late, what’s up?” Evan knew that Zoe wasn’t actually mad by the way her mouth twitched into a smile, but anxiety is a bitch.

“I-I-I’m sorry, it was k-kind of my fault. I- uh-” 

“I didn’t know this was gonna be an interrogation Zo. Evan’s class ran late, don’t be a bitch.” Connor tapped the back of Evan’s hand while rolling his eyes at his sister who slapped him playfully on the arm.

“I hate you, come sit down so we can order.” Evan wasn’t sure that he would ever understand the Murphy sibling dynamic.

“Evan! It’s so good to see you again! How are you? I wish we had a class together this semester.” Alana’s cheery voice pierced through the air, and she smiled so widely at Evan that he felt slightly better about the whole situation.

“I-I’m good, t-t-thank you.” The string on his pants fell off suddenly, as he pulled too hard at it. He went to speak again but was confronted with a dilemma. Was it polite to sit next to Alana since they were currently engaged in a conversation, or should he assume that Zoe would want to sit next to her fiancée? Maybe Connor didn’t want to sit next to him and would sit next to Alana and he would have to sit next to Zoe who he barely knew. Social cues were hard.

Luckily, the question was answered for him because Connor grabbed his wrist and tugged him to the booth opposite Alana at the same time that Zoe slipped past him and slid next to her fiancée. Crisis averted.

“C-congratulations on the engagement, b-by the w-way.” Evan blurted, finding himself desperately needing to say something, anything.

“Aw thank you, you’re too sweet Evan.” Alana beamed. Evan could practically feel Connor rolling his eyes.

“Got something you want to say, Connor?” Zoe piped up, glaring at her brother from across the table.

“Oh no,” Connor exclaimed brightly, “just got something in my eye.” He poked at his eye for the effect, and it was Zoe’s turn to roll her eyes.

“Ignore him, Evan. Deep down, Connor’s more excited than we are.” Evan found himself chuckling as Connor spluttered in protest.

“Forgive me if I’m not stoked that my baby sister has fallen for the societal trap that is marriage; and at such a young age! 19 year olds are practically babies.” Zoe snorted at Connor’s explanation.

“Connor, you're 20, not 50,” Evan felt Connor grumble next to him, “And I’m just a year younger than you. You treat me like I’m 12 sometimes you know.” The siblings glared at each other, and Evan’s eyes widened. Were they actually fighting? What was he supposed to do?

“Connor, stop being an asshole or you’re uninvited from the wedding.” Alana scowled, causing Connor’s eyes to widen.

“Wow they have such a big menu here I’m gonna go look up front, Evan come with me.” He tried to protest but Connor grabbed his hand and yanked him from their seats and pulled him towards the front cabinet. Evan squeaked and turned to try and apologise to the girls as he was yanked away, but they only smiled cheekily and whispered something to each other. Weird.

“Oh my god they have red velvet cake, I’m getting three slices.” The excitement in Connor’s reminded Evan where he was.

“I thought you were on a diet.” Connor narrowed his eyes at Evan playfully.

“Well Aimee isn’t here to stop me so...” Evan furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Who was Aimee. His girlfriend? No, wait. Connor’s gay, don’t be stupid Evan.

“Aimee’s my manager by the way. It’s her fault that I’m supposed to be on a diet. I have this job coming up and I’ve gotta be super fit or whatever” Connor explained, and Evan felt relieved. Why was he relieved? Connor had plenty of friends other than him.

“I’m probably not even meant to tell you that. Can I trust you not to sell the info to the paps?” Evan’s heart raced.

“Don’t tell me that, I’m gonna start stressing that I’ll accidentally let something slip that I’m not supposed to.” He began to fiddle with his hoodie sleeves.

“Chill, Ev. I was joking.” Connor wrapped an arm around Evan’s shoulders and ruffled his hair affectionately. Evan tried to wriggle away but Connor had a tight grip.

“You’re too tall.” Evan grumbled, looking up at Connor who laughed heartily.

“You’re just short. What are you, like, 5 foot 3?” 

“I’m 5 foot 8 thank you very much!” Pushing him away, Evan crossed his arm and tilted his head to look properly at Connor, who was grinning cheekily. “It’s not my fault you’re like 7 foot 6 or some crazy number.”

“I’m 6 foot 2.” Connor deadpanned.

“I rest my case, you’re just too tall.” Evan stood on his tiptoes and tried to get to Connor’s height, but even on his toes he was several inches shorter than him.

“You’re a dork. Come choose something to eat.” Turning to face the cabinet full of delicious sweets was very daunting. Evan did a quick scan to find a sign that said _vegan_ , but noticed nothing.

“Uh… this place does vegan food, right?” He asked quietly, feeling once again like his very presence was a disturbance.

“Ah shit, I don’t know. I don’t really come here often and I forgot to ask Zoe. Let’s have a look.” Connor bent down and started to scan the cabinet with rigour, eyes pouring over every item on offer. Evan felt a strange warmth bloom inside his chest. He wanted to reach out and engulf Connor in his arms and hold him there for several hours.

He was being weird again.

Evan shook his head to clear the unwanted thoughts away and joined Connor in the search for the vegan options.

“Oh, here you go. There’s a whole section.” Connor exclaimed brightly, and pointed to a tray on the second cabinet filled with delicious vegan cakes and food.

Evan’s mouth watered.

“I think I’ll get, um…. The banana cake.” He decided. Connor nodded.

“Okay cool. Go ask the girls what they want and then I can order.” Evan agreed and turned to walk back to the booth where Alana and Zoe had their heads bowed looking at something on a phone. They were giggling and muttering to each other. He felt weird interrupting so he cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Uh, um. Con-Connor w-wants to know what you g-g-guys want to eat.” Evan squeaked, rubbing the sleeves of his hoodie between his sweaty fingers.

“Oh, we’ll have two slices of chocolate cake and two small coffees please!” Zoe smiled kindly at Evan, but he still felt like he was intruding where he didn’t belong, so he quickly nodded and scurried back to Connor. After he repeated the order he stayed by Connor’s side.

“Hi welcome to Cake Walk, what can I get for you-” The cashier halted in his tracks and his mouth fell open as his eyes landed on Connor. There was an awkward silence that lasted several seconds as the man opened and closed his mouth, his eyes raking over Connor’s figure. Evan squirmed, even though the cashier hadn’t even spared him a glance.

“Uh, yeah. Can I get two chocolate cakes, one vegan banana cake, and three red velvet cakes please.” Evan nudged Connor in disbelief.

“Seriously Connor, y-you’ll make yourself s-s-sick.” He whispered, hands shaking as he desperately tried to ignore the cashier who was glancing between the pair.

“Shhh, it’s fine. I’ll save the others for another day.” Connor waved him away, and Evan rolled his eyes.

“Oh, and two small coffees.”

“Have here or takeaway?” The cashier finally spoke, but he still was yet to take his eyes off of Connor.

“We’ll just have them here thanks.” Connor handed the man a $50 note before mumbling _keep the change_ and slinking back to the table where Alana and Zoe sat, Evan walking just behind him.

“Okay. Connor, Evan. We need your honest opinions on this.” Zoe spoke, fixing both the boys with a serious glare.

“Asparagus wrapped in bacon. Yes or no.” Evan scrunched his nose up in distaste, but Connor hummed in thought.

“Bacon is of course a yes, and asparagus is good if cooked correctly. I’m assuming this is for the wedding?” The girls nodded. “Not sure about asparagus then to be honest, lots of people don’t like them.” Alana looked thoughtful, and made a note on her phone.

“Evan? What do you think?” Zoe pressed.

“I’m Jewish, vegan, and hate asparagus.” Evan deadpanned, and the entire table burst into laughter. Evan felt the heat creep up his neck, but he wasn’t really embarrassed. He spared a glance over at Connor, and the blush spread further when his eyes met Connor’s blue and brown ones. There was a look in his eyes; one that Evan was unfamiliar with, but it made him blush. Connor tilted his head, and suddenly there were fingers brushing against his own. 

Evan couldn’t breathe. Connor was _intoxicating_.

Fingers curled around his own and gave them a gentle squeeze. Evan was going to faint, he was sure of it.

“Uh, six cakes and two coffees?”

Evan practically jumped out of his skin. The only reason that he didn’t jump onto the table was Connor’s hand wrapped securely around his, hidden from view below the table. It was the cashier from before. He was only looking at Connor.

“Awesome, thank you so much.” Alana beamed, reaching over and helping to unload the cakes and drinks from the cashiers tray. Evan noticed the man slip something under the plate when he placed Connor’s three cakes in front of him, and Connor seemed to have noticed too, as he narrowed his eyes.

Zoe raised an eyebrow once the man was gone.

“Connor I swear we can’t go anywhere without you getting hit on.” She deadpanned, and Alana snorted in agreement. Connor simply grunted. He picked up the paper and Evan leaned over to see that it was indeed a phone number, with a name and _call me xxx_ written underneath it. Evan expected him to pocket the slip of paper for later, but instead he simply crumpled it into a ball and threw it at Zoe. The paper hit her square in the face, and she squeaked in surprise.

“Fucking tell me about it. I think I need a sign that I just carry with me everywhere I go which says _fuck off_.”

“I think that m-might damage your image a l-l-little bit.” Evan joked, and Connor simply winked at him.

“It would be worth it.”

“Connor, did you get three slices of cake?” Zoe questioned, eyeing her brother with suspicion. Connor simply flipped her off, and began stuffing the first cake in his mouth.

“Fine. Don’t complain to me when Aimee yells at you though.”

Evan turned to his own cake, which smelled and looked incredible. He licked his lips and picked up the cake, ready to take a bite.

“Well well well, Evan you sneaky bastard. I knew you were hiding something from me!” Evan choked on his cake, eyes wide. He felt Connor slap him on the back, but the only thing he could focus on was the voice; or rather, the person the voice belonged to.

“J-J-Jared? W-what are you d-d-doing here?” Evan yelped, finally managing to swallow his bite of cake.

“Well, I was on my way to meet my dearest mother at the florist down the road, but I just happened to look inside and see my best friend Evan Hansen sitting with the Murphy’s and I just had to come say hello.” Jared was grinning maniacally, and Evan wondered if now would be a good time to run away to a different country.

“Kleinman, we’re busy. What do you want.” Connor’s tone was sharp and uninviting. Any normal person would have backed off right there and then, but Jared had no limits.

“Murphy, still as friendly as ever. I had hoped fame would have made you a better person, but I see it all went to your head.” Jared retorted. Connor glared him down.

“And you’re still a nosy asshole. I guess neither of us have changed.” Evan was going to throw up. He had never seen Connor look so annoyed. Gone was the happy, smiley, touchy Connor who liked to crack jokes and order three slices of cake. In his place was an angry, taut Connor who had his hands clenched tight and his face was sour. Without realising what he was doing, Evan reached out and placed his hand over the top of Connor’s. He turned to face him and instantly his face relaxed slightly. Evan pried his fingers apart and linked their hands together. Connor breathed out his nose gently, and turned back to face Jared.

“Jared, it’s nice to see you!” Alana’s perky voice cut through the tense silence, and for once, Evan was grateful for it.

“Alana Beck, as I live and breathe. What are you doing with Evan and the infamous Murphy’s?” Jared wiggled his eyebrows, but Alana simply grinned.

“Zoe and I are getting married in a month. We were all just catching up! I definitely would have invited you if I knew that you and Evan were still friends.”

“Married? Aren’t you guys a bit young?” Jared questioned, an eyebrow raised. He tapped Evan’s shoulder and gestured for him to move over. Evan sighed and sent an apologetic look to Connor before moving and allowing Jared to slip in next to him.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, squeezing Connor’s hand to further the point.

“Don’t stress. I can put up with his assholery as long as he doesn’t start picking on you.” Connor responded, leaning closer to Evan in order to keep their conversation hidden.

“Honestly, could you two be any gayer?” Jared’s high pitched voice cut through the moment, and Connor practically saw red. He turned to face Jared and opened his mouth to respond, but Zoe bet him to it

“Jared, shut the fuck up.”

The confusion and awe on Jared’s face was enough to make Connor laugh.

“Wow, Zoe. You got a mouth on you. I bet that’s something Alana likes in bed-” There was a roar of distaste from almost everyone at the table, and Evan was sure that Zoe had slapped Jared, and Connor was two seconds away from standing up and decking Jared in the face.

He buried his head in his hands.

This was going to be a disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew this took longer than it should have. I thought after my exams finished I would be spitting out chapters left and right, but my brain is stupid and only wants to do productive things when I have absolutely no time. Hope you enjoyed the new chapter, and feel free to comment your opinions below; good or bad. I'm open to suggestions, compliments, criticism (as long as you don't bully)!
> 
> Also, if you look up 'laura dreyfuss and mike faist' the fourth picture that comes up is the one that I describe on Connor's instagram, if you were interested. I look up mike and laura and ben for any inspiration on looks and photos I want, so look there if you're interested :)

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly this story started out completely different, as in Evan was the famous one and it was in a completely different setting. But confident!Evan was really hard to write without it feeling off so I decided to completely change up the story.
> 
> Also just wanted to say that just because Connor is confident and seemingly cool in this chapter doesn't mean that he doesn't have issues. Because man does this boy have some ISSUES. Remember this is mainly from Evan's point of view and he sees Connor as a literal angel and is constantly in awe of him, so his perception of Connor is probably different to how he really is.... at least for now.
> 
> EDIT: just changed pork to tofu... continue on
> 
> AND ON THAT NOTE I'll try to update at some point this week, but I have to study for my finals which start soon so who knows what will happen.
> 
> PS I am NOT an american, so if I spell something wrong or use the wrong terminology or whatever I sincerely apologize (I'm almost definitely going to say mum instead of mom at some point). And furthermore I don't know a LICK of Spanish, so if anything I write in Spanish is wrong please please PLEASE tell me so I can fix it.


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